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Sam's Lifestory part 1: Trouble at the zoo
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Old 06 Jan 2004, 10:09 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Sam's Lifestory part 1: Trouble at the zoo

**The following is based on true events, only the names have been changed**

-A Bad Magick motion picture-

''Sam's Lifestory part 1: Trouble at the zoo''

It was a brisk fall night at the Ft. Lauderdale zoo and all was a quiet when suddenly, a fat booze breathed sex addict by the name of Mike climbed over ther zoo's fence into the zoo. "*hic* we're gonna have ourshelves a gohd tyme... *hic*" Mike stood about 6'2'' and weighed 300 lbs, he wore torn blue jeans, had a white food stained shirt and a red flannel jacket over it, he had half a mustache and a comb over. *hic* ''Oh yesh, time to fuck me a donkay" with that he staggered around searching for something to hump. Mike was a mess, his lover Gary had left him monthes ago because of his apaulling weight problem so Mike turned to beer and decided that if he couldn't get a man to love him, he would get an animal to. He fell over a guard rail into the girraffe pit instead. "well, beggers can't be choosers" he unzipped his pants immediatly and began humping one of the female girraffes "Oh yesh, this hits the spot" After seven-minute sex Mike zipped up his pants and left. Little did he know that he had just enpregnated the girraffe. Monthes passed without notice, Mike in a fit of depression shot himself and the girraffe gave birth a week later. "What the hell?" exclaimed an employee at the zoo. The girraffe had given birth to a slightly deformed boy with an unusually long neck. "Good God! Someone's been fucking the animals again!" He grabbed the baby and broguht it to a doctor. "So doctor, is it a he or a she?" The employee asked. "I can't tell... there seems to be two small nuts but no *****" replied the nurse. "Well in that case, I guess I'll name it Sam. That way the name will fit no matter what gender the baby is".
Days later, the nurse brought the orphened "girraffe kid" to a nearby homeless shelter where he was adopted by an old woman and her much younger husband. The husband was jittery, after seeing his older wife naked for the first time he decided that he couldn't have sex with her so they decided to adopt a boy. Sam was heads above the rest... literally! Sam was already three feet tall while the other babies were about two feet tall. "Awww... ain't he precious" said the old woman "yeah, he looks just like you" muttered the young man . So the old woman who was withered, hairy and had missing teeth and her scrawny, jittery paranoid younger husband left the orphanage with the deformed child. Years later they divorced because the husband couldn't handle taking care of a pet from the zoo. So Sam was all alone with his mother, with no male role model to teach him how to act straight.

-To be continued...

Last edited by David; 08 Jan 2004 at 02:20 PM.
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Old 06 Jan 2004, 10:19 PM   #2 (permalink)
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LMFAO, thats some funny shit......you write some damn good life stories
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Old 06 Jan 2004, 10:21 PM   #3 (permalink)
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LMFAO, thats some funny shit......you write some damn good life stories

Comming soon: Side Effect's Life Story.










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Old 06 Jan 2004, 10:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
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SE, why did you take me off TOWC:HHH?????
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Old 06 Jan 2004, 10:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Side Effect is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.Side Effect is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.Side Effect is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.Side Effect is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.Side Effect is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.Side Effect is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.Side Effect is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.Side Effect is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.Side Effect is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.Side Effect is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.Side Effect is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.
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RIJ, you got the PM
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Old 06 Jan 2004, 10:37 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Comming soon: Side Effect's Life Story.

NOOOOOOOO!

lol
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Old 07 Jan 2004, 03:40 PM   #7 (permalink)
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SE, why did you take me off TOWC:HHH?????
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Old 07 Jan 2004, 06:44 PM   #8 (permalink)
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You're ruining my thread...
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Old 07 Jan 2004, 08:50 PM   #9 (permalink)
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lmao, thats some funny shit
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