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You Know You're From__________When...
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Old 10 Jun 2005, 11:32 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Quote:
You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.

You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.

You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.

Hookers and the homeless are invisible.

The subway makes sense.


You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.


You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.

You consider Westchester "upstate".

You think Central Park is "nature."

You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer's speaking.

You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal."

You've been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times.

You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the U.S. pay in rent.

You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.

You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed.

Your closet is filled with black clothes.

You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since the 80s, and when you did, it terrified you.

You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.

You take fashion seriously.

Being truly alone makes you nervous.

You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.

Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip."

America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.

You've gotten jaywalking down to an art form.

You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.

Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.

$50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.

You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.

You don't notice sirens anymore.

You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns.

Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watchseller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.

You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.

You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skills.

You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price. it is

Your door has more than three locks.

Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it.

You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

You run when you see a flashing "Do Not Walk" sign at the intersection.

You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license.

You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.

You're willing to take in strange people as roommates simply to help pay the rent.

There is no North and South. It's uptown or downtown.

When you're away from home, you miss "real" pizza and "real" bagels.

You know the differences between all the different Ray's Pizzas.

You're not in the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve.

Your internal clock is permanently set to know when Alternate Side of the Street parking regulations are in effect.

You know what a bodega is.

You know how to fold the New York Times in half, vertically, so that you can read it on the subway or bus without knocking off other passenger's hats.

Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.....

You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas

Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you.
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Old 10 Jun 2005, 11:40 PM   #2 (permalink)
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San Diego.

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You Know You're From San Diego When...</font></td></tr>
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You'd driven from East County San Diego to a mall somewhere in North County because of one particular store you like.

You have a 12 month pass to the San Diego Zoo, San Diego Wild Animal Park, and Sea World.

You lost your virginity or first drank in TJ.

You're enjoying 80º weather at the end of February while those up north complain about 12 inches of snow.


The people at the local smoothie bar know you by name.

Your birth certificate indicates that you were born in Kaiser Hospital off of Zion Ave.

You can't leave the Del Mar Fair each summer without a plateful of Australian battered potatoes, a funnel cake, and other junk food.

Your tan lines never go away.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from San Diego.
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Old 10 Jun 2005, 11:41 PM   #3 (permalink)
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You Know You're From Nebraska When...</font></td></tr>
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"Vacation" means going to Omaha for the weekend. It's Lincoln, tho.

You use your life savings to go to the Nebraska-Colorado game.

You know the Woodmen Tower is not made of wood.

You know you cannot tube "upstream."

You know what the "sea of red & white" i

You wake up when it's dark, and go to bed when it's still light.

You can tell it's really a farmer working late in his field, and not a UFO.

You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they are still on the stalk.

You pick up all the free stuff at the State Fair.

You can eat an ear of corn with no utensils in less than 20 seconds.

You fly your American flag at halfmast when the Cornhuskers lose a football game.

You know how to pronounce Beatrice, Norfolk and Kearney.

You think Highway 6 is more scenic that I-80, which you think is the best thing to come out of Iowa.

You don't understand why other states even bother to try raising beef.

You believe that the worst steak in Nebraska is still better than any other steak, anywhere.

You believe that vegetarians should be banned in Nebraska.

You don't have to be told what Aksarben is or that it's Nebraska spelled backward.

You take pride in knowing that on Saturdays, Memorial stadium is the third largest city in the state.

Kitty Clover potato chips and Robert's Milk were are the best part of a meal.

You know that the statue on the dome of the state capital is actually sowing seed - not bowling.

You know what a Runza is.

You call lunch "dinner" and dinner "supper."

You think it's normal to get a side of spaghetti at a steakhouse.

You avoid Omaha because you're afraid of getting mugged.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Nebraska.

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Quote:
You call lunch "dinner" and dinner "supper."
I HATE when people do that.

And I know at least 1 person for every item on that list.

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Old 10 Jun 2005, 11:44 PM   #4 (permalink)
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The crawdad mounds in your front yard have over taken the grass. (nope, just in the back)

You greet people with "Howzyamomma'an'dem?" and hear back "Dey fine!"

Every so often, you have waterfront property.

When giving directions you use words like "uptown," "downtown," "backatown," "riverside," "lakeside," "other side of the bayou" or "other side of the levee."

When you refer to a geographical location "way up North," you are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock or Memphis, "where it gets real cold."

You've ever had Community Coffee. (Now availible in Arkansas)

You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it.

You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than the top of your house.

You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used.

The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster po-boy "dressed" is healthier than a Caesar salad.

You can eat Popeye's, Haydel's and Zapp's for lunch and wash it down with Barq's and several Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop.

The four seasons in your year are: crawfish, shrimp, crab, and King Cake. (Summer, Almost Summer, Still Summer, Christmas. Also: Football (aka Tiger Season), hunting, hurricane, rest)

You "wrench" your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.

You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.

You believe that purple, green and gold look good together.

Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.

You know what a nutria rat is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.

You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs.
You describe a color as "K & B Purple."

You like your rice and politics dirty.

You pronounce the largest city in the state as "Nawlins." (That's a slap in the face)

You know those big roaches can fly, but you're able to sleep at night anyway.

You assume everyone has mosquito swarms in their backyard. (y'all don't?)

You realize the rainforest is less humid than Louisiana.

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron... (note to self: try this)

You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window...

When out of town, you stop and ask someone where there is a drive-through Daiquiri place, and they look at you like you have three heads.

You have flood insurance.

Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under.

You consider a Bloody Mary a light breakfast.

You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras throws.

You leave a parade with footprints on the top of your hands.

You have a parade ladder in your shed.

Your first sentence was "Throw me something mistah" and your first drink was from a go-cup.

You worry about a deceased family member returning in spring floods.

You reply to anything and everything about life here with "Only in Nahlins".

You have a monogrammed go-cup.

You get on a bus marked "Cemeteries" and don’t think twice.

You shake out your shoes before putting them on.

Your sunglasses fog up when you step outside.

No matter where else you go in the world, you are always disappointed in the food. (I wish I could go beyond bold)

You get up in the morning and start cooking a pot of rice before you give any thought to what you'll fix for dinner. (Replace "rice" with "roux")

You ask, "How dey running?" and "Are dey fat?" when you're inquiring about seafood quality. When a hurricane is imminent

When it starts to rain, you cover your beer instead of your head.

You call tomato sauce "red gravy."

You eat sno-balls instead of throwing them.

Your house payment is less than your air conditioning bill.

Your grandparents are called "Maw Maw" and "Paw Paw."

You fall asleep to the soothing sounds of four box fans.

No one eats healthy. Fried Batter is actually a menu item in some restaurants.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Louisiana. (I haven't passed them on yet)
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Old 11 Jun 2005, 12:14 AM   #5 (permalink)
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You Know You're From Australia When...</font></td></tr>
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Your next door neighbours can be from Tunisia, Israel, Indonesia, Japan, Zimbabwe, Iraq, Brazil, Spain, Malaysia...

The community is so concerned over the fact that muslim women can't use public swimming pools because there are men present that they have female-only periods.

The Greeks and Mexicans next door ask you over to have a barbeque.

You don't actually use the words 'sheila' or 'shrimp'.

You sleep with Aeroguard on.

You're wearing a cap emblazoned with 'Get A Dog Up Ya.'

You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread and actually grow to like it.

You actively dislike Americans, but watch their TV, eat their food and worship their idols.

You think Tall Poppy Syndrome is a national condition.

Democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of John Howard.

Your idea of a lethal weapon is a slug gun.

The closest you ever got to going overseas was your packet of 5 Days In Rio grundies.

A posh meal = an all-you-can-eat buffet.

The term "musical instrument" also extends to wobbly bits of ply-wood, hand saws, gum leafs and combs.

Your most offensive curse also doubles as an exclamation of awe or amazement, like, "fark orf!"

All of your internationally famous people don't live here.

You think footballers dressing up in drag on TV is funny (but your son being gay isn't).

You relish test cricket - the longest, slowest game in sport (and that's not even counting the replays). After all, what else gives you an excuse to sit on your arse for five days, watch TV and sink piss with your mates?

You don't drink Fosters, but you let the world think you do.

The only thing better than beating the Poms at ANY sport is giving them shit for it.

You love, adore and admire a particular team/sportstar/actor on a winning streak - until they lose. Then they're just crap and 'past it.'

You can compress several words into one - ie 'g'day', 'd'reckn?' This allows for more space for profanities.

You favour either Holden or Ford - or a souped-up WRX with new kit and a bootful of subwoofer.

Driving down the main street/beach road playing bad techno is your idea of a perfect Saturday night / Sunday arvo.

You make kooky films, sometimes about wayward road trips (across the outback preferably). Quite a few are crap.

You know all the words to Khe Sahn but not the national anthem.

Your nickname ends in 'a' or 'o'.

You have a customised stubby holder.

Your soap stars become pop singers and move to the UK.

You've ever used the words - grouse, tops, ripper, choice, sick, rad, exo, ace, wicked, ballistic - to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you really mean it.

Your cooking apron has plastic breasts on it.......best apron ever

The "Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi oi oi!" chant has been a religious experience in the past.

The blokes at the local gym think your weight training is an opportunity to ask you out on a date.

The big national sporting events are men-only.

Your politicians believe than sticking the prefix 'un' in front of your nationality is an effective way of making you sit down and shut up.

Our mantras are 'fair go for all', 'mateship' and 'little Aussie battler' - but we still publicly condemn those with different viewpoints to us........super true

The barbeque is a male-dominated arena. And the women do the salads.

'Fair go for all' excludes indigenous people.

An eight-hour trip to go camping for the weekend isn't out of the question or excessive.

You take pride in living in a tolerant multicultural society but firmly believe that all Poms and Kiwis are fair game.

You insist on asking every celebrity who steps of an aircraft what they think of Australia. If the response is not overwhelmingly positive, they should be subjected to immediate public ridicule.

The private lives of footy and cricket players become more important than local and national news stories.

Slick pick-up lines like 'Wanna shag?' and 'Carn, show us yer tits' can constitute male-to-female conversation.........lol ive used it before

You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.

You realise you have no Bill of Rights.

The first thing guaranteed to get eaten at parties is fairy bread.

So that's the special ingredients that make up an Aussie - whatever your taste.


You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Austrailia.</font></td></tr></table>
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I bolded every statement that was true........and i got a laugh out of the whole lot
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Old 11 Jun 2005, 01:47 AM   #6 (permalink)
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You Know You're From Cincinnati When...</font></td></tr>
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Your idea of a three-way is chilli over spaghetti topped with cheddar

You know what goetta is - and you've eaten it

You hate Cleveland, but you don't know why, and you've never been there

You think Pete Rose and Marge Schott were railroaded

You say "Please?" instead of "Excuse me?"

You think Northern Kentucky is part of Ohio

You've been to California, Wyoming, Coney Island, and Over-the-Rhine in one day

There are less than 100 murders a year, and you still think you're in Detroit

You think Dayton is a Third World country

What groundhog? It's the St. Patrick's Day parade leprechaun that forecasts how much longer winter will last.

Losing football teams draw more fans than winning baseball teams.

Indiana is about 20 miles away, but it takes about four hours to get there.

It's too cold in the winter, and too hot and humid in the summer, to ever stay outside for very long.

You drive to Columbus or Louisville to avoid the prices at the Cincinnati airport.

City council members hold debates on whether or not they should debate in the first place.

Tourists still flock downtown to catch a glimpse of cast members from "WKRP," even though the show hasn't aired on network television since 1984, and the show was filmed in LA anyway.

You ask lifetime residents where the President Taft house is, but they don't know either.

If you do something -- anything -- in public long enough, sooner or later it will be banned.

Your low-fat diet is never low enough to exclude Graeter's ice cream.

You get through winter listening to Marty and Joe's broadcasts from the grapefruit leagues.

Big Red Smokies are a ballpark treat, not cause to dial 9-1-1.

If necessary, the city could easily be sliced into two new cities: East and West, and it would take 20 years for anyone to notice something happened.

Chocolate and cinnamon, not peppers and beans, are in your chili.

You can drive 30 minutes in any direction to hear a different accent than your own.

You can accurately judge people's social status by which Kroger's store they frequent.

You can go to any church festival in any neighborhood on any weekend and see at least five people you either work with, went to school with, or dated.

Even the slightest mention of former baseball commissioner A. Bartlett Giamatti makes your blood boil and your ears steam.

If the temperature hits 45 degrees, and the sun comes out in any month between November and April, people walk around downtown wearing shades and no jackets.

The top stories on the local 6 o'clock evening news look suspiciously like the articles you read in the newspaper that very morning -- and even use the same quotes.

Any carbonated beverage is a "coke."

Your favorite convenient store sounds like a labor union.

You can't hear the words "Mike Brown" without getting angry.

You honestly believe that Pete Rose should be in the Baseball Hall Fame.

You have more stadiums, coliseums, and arenas than you know what to do with.

It doesn't seem weird to you that everyone has an Uncle Al.

Your favorite Coney Island isn't in New York.

You like Nick Clooney better than George Clooney.

You know how Jerry Springer got his start.

You know what a pony keg is.

You have friends and neighbors with names like Machenheimer, Guckenberger, Schlottman, Schoenling, and Schweitering.

You know that cars (like eggs) are cheaper in the country.

An all-boys or all-girls school doesn't seem that odd to you

You think a mixed marriage is when an East Sider marries a West Sider.

You know the difference between Hudy and "Who Dey."

You know what cream ale is, and you think that cream soda should be bright
red.

You think Kentucky is only slightly more civilized than Afghanistan.

You know in which state the Greater Cincinnati Airport is located.

You actually understand the word, "CRAVE" and white castle burgers.

You can almost name the seven "hills" minus one or two.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Cincinnati.
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Pretty much all true....

Especially the Kentucky being just slightly above Afghanistan...
And anyone who doesn't believe Pete Rose should be in the hall of fame is a goddam commie.
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Old 11 Jun 2005, 01:57 AM   #7 (permalink)
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You Know You're From San Francisco When...</font></td></tr>
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You take a bus and are shocked that 2 people are carrying on a
conversation in English.

Someone says TENDERLOIN - you don't think of steak.

You never bother looking at the MUNI line schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it.

A really great parking space can move you to tears.

You know that anyone wearing shorts in July must be visiting from Ohio.

You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits.

Your boss runs in "The Bay to Breakers"....and it's not the first time you have seen him/her nude.

You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aroma therapy, conversational mandarin or a building your own web site class.

You haven't been to Fisherman's Wharf since the first month you moved to SF and you couldn't figure out how to drive to Coit Tower if your life depended on it.

You were born somewhere else.

Left is right and right is wrong.

Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.

You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by.

You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.

Your family tree contains "significant others."

Your cat has its own psychiatrist.

Smoking in your office is not optional.

You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.

Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.

Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the US

A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't even notice.

Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

You give a "thumbs up" gesture to a car with a "Free Tibet" bumper sticker - and you mean it.

When you drive under an underpass - for one moment you think "earthquake".

You realize the only Republicans you know are your Aunt and Uncle in Texas.

You realize there are far more Rainbow flags in the city than California State Flags.

You go to your office manager's baby shower - the parent's are named Judy and Becky.

When your church elects a new Bishop who abandoned his family and two young daughters to fulfill his sexual urges with another man.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from San Francisco.
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Old 11 Jun 2005, 02:37 AM   #8 (permalink)
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No PEI, so i did Canada:

You Know you're from Canada When:

You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."

You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."

You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

You drink pop, not soda.

You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.

You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.

You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion and many more are Canadians.

You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!

You know what a touque is.

You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee".

You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan."

You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."

You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary and more polite than, "Huh?"

Winter. Whenever you want it. And then some.

There's German food, Italian food, Chinese food, Armenian food, American food, but NO Canadian food.

You call a "mouse" a "moose".

You like the Americans a little because they don't want Quebec either.

Contests run by anyone other than the government have "skill-testing questions" that winners must answer correctly before they can claim a prize.

Everything is labelled in English and French.

Milk comes in plastic bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.

Mountain Dew has no caffeine.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Canada.
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Old 11 Jun 2005, 03:04 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Here's the Bay Area too... since I'm not currently living in The City.

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You Know You're From the Bay Area When...</font></td></tr>
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<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 10pt;'>
You get the same off-color email joke from 17 people in the same hour, and one of them is your wife.

Your "personal shopper" has become engaged to your "career coach".

You know that "taking the Nerd Bird" means you're flying to L.A ... for the 3rd time in a week.

You have a daughter named Meg and a son named URL.

You bought stock in Starbucks just for the free chocolate-covered coffee beans.

You recently built your children their first "tilt-up" concrete playhouse.

Almost all of the companies featured on your resume are no longer in business.

You make $120,000 a year, yet still can't find a place to live.

Your commute time is 45 minutes and you live 8 miles away.

You live an hour or more from the office so that you can afford a larger house.

You spend more time in your office and car than in your house.

You stop asking how much things cost, but instead ask "how long will it take?"

Two-thirds of the people you know are from Boston or New York, but you are living in PST.

You know vast differences difference between Thai, Vietnemese, Chinese, Japanese, Cantonese, and Korean food.

Your home computer contains mostly hardware/software that is not on the consumer market yet.

You go to "The City" on weekends but don't live there because you like your car.

You think that "I'm going to Fry's" is an acceptable excuse to leave the office for a while, and your boss does too.

You lost your alarm clock, but you'll get to work when you get there.

You go to an industrial-heavy-metal bar and see two guys get into a fight over what flavor of Unix is better.

You own more than 10 articles of clothing that have hardware/software companies printed on them. Bonus for embroidered stuff.

You know where Woz Way, Resistor Avenue, and Floppy Drive are located.

You know who and where Woz is.

You know that 280 North goes west and that 680 North goes east.

It rained ... and your birdbath fell over ... or your tree fell over ... or a utility pole fell over.

It rained ... and the spiders came in ... and the ants came in ... and the mice came in.

You realize that even though Microsoft employs quite a few programmers in the Bay Area, they only work on PowerPoint.

You see a billboard that says "FPG2ASIC" and understand what it means.

You can get the updated Diamond Monster 3D drivers by just walking across the street.

The phone company installed fiber-optic cable to your home but they can't afford to light it up.

You have more bandwidth inside your home than there is in most major universities.

Your wireless LAN is interfering with your wireless phone and your home automation system.

None of the people you work with are bible thumpers.

You get email from a co-worker at 10:00PM ... and you are both still in the office.

You scan yardsales for back issues of "Dr. Dobbs."

Your favorite computer reseller speaks only Cantonese.

Your workplace vending machines dispense "100% natural twig-bars" right next to Jolt cola and Instant Espresso mix.

No one brings radios to work because they listen to RealAudio.

There are more than six Z3s parked at your office during weekdays.

There are more than six Z3s parked at your office during weekends.

The Z3s are gradually turning into SUVs.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from the Bay Area.
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Old 11 Jun 2005, 03:28 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Since I can't get my city, or even (Northern) Ireland here's a slightly different version...

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You Know You're Irish When....</font></td></tr>
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<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 10pt;'>
The condensation on your pint of Guinness takes the shape of shamrocks

You don't believe there is a God, but you are damn sure of the infallibility of the Pope.

You believe that to forgive is divine, but you don't excercise it yourself.

You won't eat meat on Friday, but you'll drink a pint for breakfast.

You consider any Irishman who has become successful a traitor.

You have great respect for the truth, and you only use it in emergencies.

The further you get from Ireland, the more Irish you get.

You eat homefried taters for brakfast, potato bread for lunch, and potato stew for dinner.

You cry at sad movies, but you cheer in battle.

You will never play professional basketball.

You swear very well.

You think you sing very well.

There isn't a huge difference between losing your temper and killing someone.

You're strangely poetic after a few beers.

Many of your sisters are Catherine, Elizabeth or Mary and one is Mary Catherine Elizabeth.

You can't wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start talking.

Much of your food is boiled.

You are, or know someone, named "Murph." If you don't know Murph, then you know Mac. If you don't know Murph or Mac, then you know Sully, and you'll probably also know Sully McMurphy.

Your parents were on a first name basis with everyone at the local emergency room.

There wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.

You're proud to be Irish - and you pass these jokes on to all your Irish friends!
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Old 11 Jun 2005, 07:10 AM   #11 (permalink)
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<table width=400 align=center border=1 bordercolor=black cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2>
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<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'>
You Know You're From Long Island When...</font></td></tr>
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<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 10pt;'>
You know someone who went to Chaminade.

Jones Beach Theater is the best place in the world to see a concert. CASE CLOSED!

Is it just me, or is every girl from Rockville Centre a bitch?

Billy Joel said it best, "Either you date a rich girl from the North Shore, or a cool girl from the South Shore."

What's the big deal about the Hamptons?

If you're not from Long Island or NYC, you're not really from New York.

You don't go to Manhattan, you go to "the City"

You know the Belt Parkway sucks!

You never, ever want to "change at Jamaica..."

You never realize you have an accent until you leave.

You know where at least one strip club is.

You can name at least three bands that came from Long Island.

You curse. A lot.

Is Huntington really that cool?

You've been to Utopia at least once.

The goddamn geese are everywhere!

If your parents didn't, your grandparents lived in the city.

At some point in your life you or someone you know has owned an animal that came from North Shore Animal League.

You actually remember when you felt safe swimming at Bar Beach and Hempstead Harbor.

Commack movie theatre scares you

You walk around the mall aimlessly.

You drive around your town with your friends, and that's the most exciting part of your evening.

On the weekend, your evening consists of seeing a movie, going bowling, or playing pool.

When you walk in the city and you see two men holding hands...it becomes normal to you.

No word ends in an ER, just an AH.

You feel like you know Howard Stern.

You live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world, but you never go there.

When you're away from Long Island, you love it and when you're there, you don't.

You know that the beach sucks during the day and is the most magical place in the world at night

You know the exact point at which Queens turns into Nassau simply on intuition.

You're still waiting for a bridge to Connecticut.

You've tried to use your father's monthly ticket to ride the LIRR. It worked.

No matter what you do, you end up at the diner.

Your distant future might involve the state of Florida.

High school sports aren't that important.

You've never been to Times Square on New Year's Eve.

You've tried to find the Amityville Horror house.

Each one of your diverse friends mercilessly makes fun of his own background.

You love that salty smell of the ocean.

No, you don't want mustard on that burger!

The most exciting day of your summer is when all tickets to every Jones Beach show go on sale.

You know White Castle is terrible for you and the food sucks. But, you periodically "Get the Crave"

You want the Yankees to stay in the Bronx, but would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan.

You can order a pizza pie and a soda and people will understand.

You felt slighted when Snapple sold out.

You don't associate Fire Island with gay men.

You wanted Hooters to open simply to piss off "decency" groups.

You watched a game show and wondered, "why are these people so happy that they won a trip to New York?"

You like The Brothers McMullen.

When you hear Billy Joel's "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant" you try to figure out what places on Long Island he's talking about.

You know that parts of the Godfather were filmed on LI.

You always liked Billy Joel, but as soon as you leave, you love Billy Joel.

At some point in your life, you've gone clamming.

You've been to the Tanger Outlets and came home with nothing to show for it.


You have or someone you know has fallen asleep on the LIRR and ended up in one of these three places; Babylon, Port Washington or Hicksville.

You have been to Mulcahay's on Thanksgiving Eve, the largest ladies night event
of every year.

You've missed that "Drunk Train", the 2:42 out of Penn and had the dreaded wait until 5:30.

You think Islip MacArthur airport is cute and you enjoy watching it grow up.

Your parents took you to Nathans or Carvel

You hate the radio commercials for the Dublin Pub

Public beach? What's that?

You can correctly pronouce places like Happauge, Commack, Islip, Islandia, Massapequa.

You know the location of 6 malls and a dozen McDonalds and 36 7-11's.

You grew up thinking Chinese food was a basic food group.

You're used to driving down the street in December and seeing more light-up menorahs than you can shake a latka at. In fact, even your non-Jewish friends know what Matzoh is. And you've never driven more than 10 miles without seeing a temple.

Oh, your parents are from Brooklyn? So are mine!

Yes, admit it, you've cruised the Pike.

You can remember making up rules for “Shotgun” calls in high school.

Your elementary school promoted dodge ball as the top gym activity.

You were upset when all the Roy Rogers turned into Wendy’s.

You consider nachos and cheese at the Coliseum to be a suitable dinner date.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Long Island.
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Old 11 Jun 2005, 08:26 AM   #12 (permalink)
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<table width=400 align=center border=1 bordercolor=black cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2>
<tr><td bgcolor=#CCFFFF align=center>
<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'>
You Know You're From Washington When...</font></td></tr>
<tr><td align=left bgcolor=#FFFFFF>
<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 10pt;'>
You know the state flower (Mildew)

You feel guilty when you don't recycle.

You use the phrase "sun break" and know what it means.

You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.

You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.

You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.

You've stood on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" Signal.

You understand that if it has no snow or has not erupted, it is not a real mountain.

You can taste the difference between Starbuck's, Seattle's Best, Veneto's, Peet's, and Tully's.

You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.

You consider swimming an indoor sport.

You are well versed in the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.

In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark -- while only working eight-hour days.

You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.

You are not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain," and "Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers."

You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.

You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.

You notice "the mountain is out" when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.

You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.

You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.

You've actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.

You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.

You knew immediately that the view out of Frasier's window was fake.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Washington.
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Old 11 Jun 2005, 08:30 AM   #13 (permalink)
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You Know You're From Rochester, NY When...

The only thing at the annual May Lilac Festival is snow.

The worst four-letter word you could say is "Fuji".

You can't swim at the beach.

You thought that you had figured out that alternate-parking thing, but wind up with a ticket anyway.

Toronto is about 70 miles away, but it takes four hours to get there.

The name "Greater Rochester International Airport" is bigger than the airport itself.

There's an 800 number to report a pothole in the road.

You know that a "Can of Worms" is not something that you take fishing. Your baby's first word is "Wegmans".

You ask lifetime residents where the George Eastman House is, but they don't know either.

In a city where it snows at least 90 inches a year, they build a new sports stadium with no roof on it.

It can be 70 degrees one day, below freezing the next, and you think nothing of it.

Your mother is buying outfits to wear to Wegmans.

Your low-fat diet is never low enough to exclude an Abbott's custard.

You order a white hot and a pop, and the counterman knows what you're talking about. Mmmmmmm...white hots....ahhhhhhhh.

You can travel from Egypt to Greece in about a half-hour by car. Hey...I live in Greece.

D&C is a newspaper, not a medical procedure. -Not much of a newspaper to be honest.

There are no hamburgers, only ground steak. -????

You can go to any mall on a Saturday and see at least 5 people you either work with, went to school with or dated.

A musical comes to town 10 years after its Broadway premier and the entire town goes nuts!

You awaken from a deep sleep, look at the clock and see that it's 6:00, but you have no idea whether it's AM or PM.

When 18+ inches of snow falls overnight, but you never thought of NOT going to work.

You are perplexed when friends from other cities come to visit and want to "see the sights".

In winter if the temperature hits 45 degrees and the sun comes out, people walk around downtown wearing shades and no jackets.

There are places at the poles that seem to get more sunlight during the winter months than we do.

Wegmans is somewhere to go on a Friday night, for entertainment.

You know who Vinnie and Angelo are.

You define summer as three months of bad sledding.

You think that people from Pennsylvania have an accent.

Halloween is snowed out with great regularity.

You have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.

Half the change in your pocket is Canadian, eh.

Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six pack of Genny and a bucket of Buffalo wings.

You believe that "down south" means Maryland.

Your snowmobile, lawn mower and fishing boat all have big block Chevy engines.

You can compare Nick Tahoe's garbage plate to at least 3 other knock-offs in competing restaurants. Actually it's spelled Nick Tahou's...and I know most of the knock off Plates...none of them are quite Nick's.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Rochester, NY.
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Old 11 Jun 2005, 10:34 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Detroit




You call McNichols 6 Mile

You pronounce Lahser as "Lasher"

You add an "s" on Livernois

You own a pair of gators in a variety of colors

Your gators match your suit (pink, purple, green, etc.)

You`ve had to wait forever for the DOT bus

Your car payment is higher than your rent

You outfit cost more than your car payment

You get your nails and hair done every week just to go to the mall

You can do any of the 3,000 hustles

You take ballroom hustle lessons

You airbrush your toenails

You put nail tips and acrylic on your toenails

You`re familiar with the term "Dress to Impress"

You can find a cabaret on any given Saturday of the year

You listen to Mason in the morning on 102.7 FM

You know the words to "Hello Detroit" by Sammy Davis Jr.

You are mad about the Joe Louis Statue (the fist) in the middle of Jefferson

Your neighborhood church is across the street or next door to a liquor store AND a Chinese food restaurant Yup.

You don`t know the difference between winter white and summer white

You've been to a club at 1 am and paid $20 to party for one hour

You can buy an outfit, activate your cell phone, and buy lunch at the corner liquor store

You get your hair "did" The many times I've heard that.

You have Mardi Gras beads from Fishbone`s hanging from your rear view mirror Every other car.

Youo've stopped at a shrimp shack after 2 am (because it tastes the best at this time)

You think that Lou's Deli (the Mc Nichols location) has the best corned beef sandwiches!

You shop at Cest La Vie

You've had to drive a half a mile to make a left turn (The Michigan Left)

You drink Faygo pop Faygo rules.

You've knocked all the hub caps off your car - and your alignment's totally out of whack

You go to the Auto Show to find men / women

You own a red leather outfit

You shop at Mr. Alan`s to get the 2 for $50 deal

You shop at City Slicker shoes and the Broadway

You know the words to the City Slicker Shoes and the Broadway radio commercials

You've been to the Festival in Hart Plaza

You own a Navigator or an Expedition and you live with your mother

The Cass Corridor is your jogging route.

Wednesday is Metro Times day.

You have a taste for coney dogs. Mmmmm, coney dogs.

You can dodge potholes without dropping your cell phone.LMFAO So true. Our roads are junk.

You can name the CEOs of all the Big 3. I can only name one.

You can't get to sleep without the sound of sirens.

You hate the city, but you'll kick the ass of anyone who disses it.

You love Vernor's and Better Made Chips Canada Dry and Lays are better.

You refer to the city as "the D." No it's, "The BIG D"

You swim at Belle Isle beach.

You bitch about the need for mass transit but know deep down you'd never use it.

You know the given names of all the expressways. I-94, I-75, US-12.

People get scared when you say you're from here. Happens all the time actually.

You have two cars: One for daily use, and one hooptie for extreme occasions.

A six-street intersection with a Michigan turn seems logical.

You think Devil's Night is celebrated everywhere. Its not?

If it's less than 10 blocks away, you drive anyway. Fuck we drive everywhere.

You are connected to Eminem by 3 or fewer people.

You know Eminem and Kid Rock are not actually from Detroit, but Warren (a suburb) and a small farm town.

You have ridden the People Mover. I love the people mover.

When you pull up to a red light, you roll up your windows.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Detroit. That's what I was planning.
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Old 11 Jun 2005, 10:50 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic Mackey
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You Know You're From Washington When...</font></td></tr>
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You know the state flower (Mildew)

You feel guilty when you don't recycle.

You use the phrase "sun break" and know what it means.

You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.

You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.

You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.

You've stood on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" Signal.

You understand that if it has no snow or has not erupted, it is not a real mountain.

You can taste the difference between Starbuck's, Seattle's Best, Veneto's, Peet's, and Tully's.

You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.

You consider swimming an indoor sport.

You are well versed in the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.

In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark -- while only working eight-hour days.

You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.

You are not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain," and "Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers."

You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.

You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.

You notice "the mountain is out" when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.

You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.

You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.

You've actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.

You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.

You knew immediately that the view out of Frasier's window was fake.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Washington.
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