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*warning adult humor* joke thread
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Old 09 Jun 2005, 05:08 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default *warning adult humor* joke thread

Q. What is the difference between a prositute and a rooster?
















A. A rooster says cocka doodle do while a prostitute says any cock'll do

*rimshot*

now let's see how many jokes we get posted in here.

PS. Please, don't post the "why did the chicken cross the road" joke... let's get some original jokes in here.

Last edited by David; 09 Jun 2005 at 05:17 PM.
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Old 09 Jun 2005, 05:12 PM   #2 (permalink)
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BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.
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Q:What does Michael Jackson and Caviar have in common?












A: They both come on little crackers...


I heard that on Howard Stern this morning.
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Old 09 Jun 2005, 05:13 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.
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There was a Mexican, a Texan, a Brittish guy, and a German guy, all on a plane that was going down. The pilot looked back and told them that the plane needed to lose weight. The Brittish guy said, "I'll throw out my tea, because we have plenty of that back in England". The German guy said, "I'll throw out my beer, because we have plenty of that back in Germany". The Texan said, "I'll throw out the Mexican, because we have plenty of them back in Texas".

Laugh people!
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Old 09 Jun 2005, 05:14 PM   #4 (permalink)
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What does Michael Jackson call a restaurant where you eat naked?

Chuck E. Cheese. (credit Jay Leno)
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Old 09 Jun 2005, 05:16 PM   #5 (permalink)
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David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.
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Q. What does a hooker have in common with a screen door?













A. the harder you bang them, the looser they get.
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Old 09 Jun 2005, 05:18 PM   #6 (permalink)
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BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.BOSTON , you came here looking for SHECKS.
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Q: How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb?









A: None she just holds it while the world revolves around her....
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Old 09 Jun 2005, 05:24 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Spear should cut his own throat and bleed to death.
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A kid and his grandpa where sitting around talking. The grandpa pulled out a milkshake, and the kid asked if he could have a sip. The grandpa asked him, "Can your dick reach your ass?". The kid checked, and said no.

The next day they were sitting around and the grandpa pulled out some popcorn, and the kid asked if he could have a handful. The grandpa asked him, "Can your dick reach your ass?". The kid checked, and said no.

The next day they were sitting around, and the kid pulled out some cookies. The grandpa asked if he could have a cookie, and the kid asked, "Can your dick reach your ass?". The grandpa checked, and said yes. The kid then said, "Then you can go fuck yourself. These are my cookies."


Laugh People!
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Old 09 Jun 2005, 05:32 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Skill spends too much goddamn time on the interwebs.Skill spends too much goddamn time on the interwebs.Skill spends too much goddamn time on the interwebs.Skill spends too much goddamn time on the interwebs.Skill spends too much goddamn time on the interwebs.Skill spends too much goddamn time on the interwebs.Skill spends too much goddamn time on the interwebs.Skill spends too much goddamn time on the interwebs.Skill spends too much goddamn time on the interwebs.Skill spends too much goddamn time on the interwebs.Skill spends too much goddamn time on the interwebs.
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A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.

Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question. The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29". "I am actually 47."

Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47." Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."
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Old 09 Jun 2005, 11:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
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G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.
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A man walks into a pub one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?!!" exclaimed the man.
So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?"
"Certainly, Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the man.
"Four cents," the bartender replied.
"Four Cents?!!" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his business."
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Old 09 Jun 2005, 11:56 PM   #10 (permalink)
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G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.G O D is Jeff Goldblum's first spoken line on film.
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This one is so wrong I just had to post it

There was a young lady from Leith
Who pulled foreskins back with her teeth
It wasn't for pleasure
That she came to this measure
It was to get at the cheese underneath
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Old 10 Jun 2005, 07:41 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Alex was talking to his friend at the bar, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck."
His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled."Alex decided to take his friend's advice.

The next day at the bar his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," Alex replied.

"Did she like it?"

"Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"
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Old 10 Jun 2005, 07:46 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.
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A hippie was on a bus and tried to hit on a nun. The nun refused him and got off, but the bus driver told the hippie that if he dressed like Jesus and met her in the graveyard at midnight, she'd probably go for it.

At midnight, the hippie, dressed as Jesus, found the nun in the graveyard and convinced her to have sex with no problem at all. After they had done the deed, Jesus removed his mask and said "Ha! I'm the hippie!" Likewise the nun removed her mask and said "Ha! I'm the busdriver!"
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