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"You want my soul, and 200 bucks?"
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Old 25 Oct 2004, 07:41 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default "You want my soul, and 200 bucks?"

Last night, while looking through news reports I came across this, http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/3948329.stm

Basically, it's a news report about how a Royal Navy officer has been formally recognized as a practitioner of the Satanic Religion. Meaning, he can practice the rituals and observe any Satanic holidays. Yeah, I didn't know that they had holidays either.

So I got curious, and looked up the Official Website of the Church of Satan. From the opening page I was laughing my ass off. I mean, look at these jokers... I couldn't take them seriously if they were "volunteering" to "help" in one of their rituals. Anyway, I looked around... read the literature and found out that it wasn't really what I thought it was. Most of their beliefs kinda make sense. I mean, their "11 commandments" (that Satan's always trying to be at least one better than God) seemed very reasonable, "Don't lie", "Don't steal"... "Don't hurt little kids"... Shit like that. Plus these guys looked like they'd be a blast at a party. So I figured, "Condemning my soul to Hell is kinda like kicking a dead horse in my case. Prospect's not too sunny as it is". And I looked into signing up... just for a laugh at least. I mean, think of the conversations I could start with "Hey, I'm a member of the Church of Satan." It's brilliant. Plus, I'm sure to meet some hot goth chick into wearing leather and shit. Plus I get this nifty "Red Card" and signifies me as a member... Cool, huh?

Anyway, I'm looking at all the shit that they want me to do and how I'm supposed to act. No real problems there, until I get to the end "For a one-time registration fee of two hundred dollars in United States currency, you will receive an embossed crimson card declaring you a member of the Church of Satan."

Let me get this straight Beelze-Bob, not only am I to condemn my soul to a Hell of pain and torment for eternity to join, but you want me to pay you 200 dollars? Get bent... They go on and on preaching about the "greedy" Christian church and they don't even give out free memberships? Way ta screw 'em in the fine print oh Lord of the Crap.

Well, I gotta check my accounts and see if I can cover this. As for a topic: When was the last time you got the shaft in a deal?
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Old 25 Oct 2004, 07:47 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Pft, I could make my own stupid little red card saying I'm a member, and save the fuckin $200


Funny shit though. You really gonna join?
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Old 25 Oct 2004, 07:50 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Pft, I could make my own stupid little red card saying I'm a member, and save the fuckin $200


Funny shit though. You really gonna join?

Hell no! I tread the line enough as far as the good Lord is concered. Doing this is really gonna push things over the edge as far as my Maker's concerned and is sure to get me on it's bad side.
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Old 26 Oct 2004, 02:09 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Jesus...you have got to be kiddin' me...
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