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Old 22 Oct 2004, 10:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I'm bored

Did you hear about the blonde who got a Toy Poodle for her Birthday??
She Killed It Trying To Get The Batteries Up It's Ass!

See what happens when I'm not properly entertained... tell a joke now...

-Trevelbond-
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Old 22 Oct 2004, 10:40 PM   #2 (permalink)
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whoo hoo I thought you'd never ask.




A guy goes into a bar sits down and asks the bartender to line up ten shots of tequila.

The bartenders asks "What's the happy occasion?"

"It's not so happy," the guy replies, "I just found out my older son is gay.

"Sorry about that," the bartender replies.

A month later the same guy goes to the bar and asks the bartender to line up 20 shots of tequila.

The bartender says "I hope it's a happy occasion this time."

"Not really," the guy replies, "I just found out my other son is gay." With that he drinks the shots and leaves.

Six months later the guy walks into the bar again and asks the bartender to give him the whole bottle instead of lining up shots.

The bartender decides to ask the guy a personal question, "Doesn't anybody like pussy in your house?"


The guy replies "Yes, my wife does."
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Old 22 Oct 2005, 11:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
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A panda walks into a bar and orders steak, potatoes and a Budweiser......upon finishing his meal, he pull out a gun and shoots the waiter, then walks out the door without saying a word......

the bartender, a man known for his fine taste in women, runs after the bear and beats the living crap out of that piece of monkey puke.....

yeah, I don't get it either.....
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Maybe someone swapped your keyboard with Toof's. His always seemed broken too.
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Old 22 Oct 2005, 11:08 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oeo
A panda walks into a bar and orders steak, potatoes and a Budweiser......upon finishing his meal, he pull out a gun and shoots the waiter, then walks out the door without saying a word......

the bartender, a man known for his fine taste in women, runs after the bear and beats the living crap out of that piece of monkey puke.....

yeah, I don't get it either.....


I don't know any good jokes...
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Old 22 Oct 2005, 11:17 AM   #5 (permalink)
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A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.

"I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing.

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.
At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.

Now seeing her naked for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree.

His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.

"Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.

So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver.

Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.

"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"

The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"
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Old 22 Oct 2005, 11:19 AM   #6 (permalink)
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two guys walked into a bar.....

the third one ducked.....
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Maybe someone swapped your keyboard with Toof's. His always seemed broken too.
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Old 22 Oct 2005, 11:22 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Q: What's an Eskimo's favorite song?
A: Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow!
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Old 22 Oct 2005, 11:33 AM   #8 (permalink)
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A guy sees a beautiful girl sitting alone at a bar so he walks over to her and says:

"How would you like to curl up tonight by a nice fire with a wonderful man that enjoys long walks on the beach and really wants to just have a relationship?"

"sounds great" she says.....

"wonderful", says the guy, "I'll keep searching for a one night stand".....

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Maybe someone swapped your keyboard with Toof's. His always seemed broken too.
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Old 22 Oct 2005, 11:35 AM   #9 (permalink)
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# Two ropes walk into a bar. The bartender says to the rope "Hey! we don't serve ropes in here" so one of the ropes left. The other rope frayed up his hair and tied himself in a knot. The bartender said to the rope "Are you a rope?" and the rope said " I'm afaid not"
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Old 22 Oct 2005, 11:49 AM   #10 (permalink)
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A blonde, a duck, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.....the bartender yells out "what is this, some kind of a joke?"
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Maybe someone swapped your keyboard with Toof's. His always seemed broken too.
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Old 22 Oct 2005, 11:50 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Termite walks into a bar and asks: "Is the bar tender here?"
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Old 22 Oct 2005, 11:52 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.
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If you want old jokes, I've got eauxld jeauxkes.

Boudreaux went to Hell after he died. The Devil made his tours and saw that Boudreaux was rather comfortable for a man in Hell, so he asked, "Why aren't you miserable in these flames?"

The Cajun responded, "It's hot, but not quite as hot as a sunny day in June back in Breaux Bridge."

Upon hearing this, Satan turned the thermostat up a little. An hour later he sees Boudreaux again and asked, "Are things getting worse?"

Boudreaux responded, "Well, it's still not as hot as a hot day of August always was."

The Devil then turned his thermostat as high as it would go. When he saw the Cajun again, he didn't even have to ask as Boudreaux immediately stated, "Still not as bad a s July."

The Devil then decided that the only way to do torture Boudreaux was to make it cold. He turned the thermostat all the way off and Hell simply froze over.

After laughing at the Cajun's misfortune, he goes on his rounds only to find Boudreaux waving his shirt in the air, despite being up to his waist in snow, and yelling "The Saints finally won the Super Bowl!"
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Old 22 Oct 2005, 11:55 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by -CAPS-
Termite walks into a bar and asks: "Is the bar tender here?"

ouch.....

guy walks into a bar dragging a bull and orders a cup of coffee.....after drinking his coffee he pulls out a shotgun and blows the bull to smithereens, then leaves.....

next day, the same guy walks into the same bar dragging another bull.....the bartender says "hey, we're not even cleaned up from yesterday, what are you doing?"

he says, "training for upper management.....I come in, drink some coffee, shoot the bull and then leave a mess for everyone else to clean up".....
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Old 22 Oct 2005, 11:58 AM   #14 (permalink)
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What's the best time to go to the dentist?




at 2:30 (toothhurty)
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Old 22 Oct 2005, 11:59 AM   #15 (permalink)
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*faints*

when do you see the dentist?

when you open your eyes after surgery.....
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