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George Bush Resume
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Old 25 Apr 2006, 01:02 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default George Bush Resume

I did not write this I got it off a website so it does not reflect my personal opinions by feel free to quote your favorites:

From Buzzflash.com
Quote:
George W. Bush Resume

Past work experience:

Ran for congress and lost.

Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using tax-payer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.

With fathers help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.

Accomplishments: Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union. Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.

Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my fathers appointments to the Supreme Court.

Accomplishments as president:

Attacked and took over two countries.

Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.

Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.

Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.

Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.

First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.

After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in US history.

Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in US history.

In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.

Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history.

Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.

Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.

Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.

Signed more laws and executive orders circumventing the Constitution than any president in US history.

Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.

Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.

Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.

Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/)

Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.

My presidency is the most secretive and un-accountable of any in US history.

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleezza Rice has an Chevron oil tanker named after her).

Had more states to simultaneously go bankrupt than any president in the history of the United States.

Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.

Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.

Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history.

First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission.

First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board.

Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.

Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.

Withdrew from the World Court of Law.

Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.

First president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).

All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.

My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).

Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.

First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

First president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)

First US president to establish a secret shadow government.

Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).

With a policy of 'dis-engagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.

Fist US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

First US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.

Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.

Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.

In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.

Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.

In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.

Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

Records and References:

At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).

AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during a time of war.

Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.

All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.

Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public review.

For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)
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Old 25 Apr 2006, 01:04 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Does not reflect your personal opinion...

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People who use the words "Internet Bullies" are the most pussiest form of pussies you'll ever find. Chances are better than not that any girlfriend they've ever had cheated on them multiple times, probably right in front of them, laughing at their pitiful punk asses the whole time while they sat there and cried. If you or someone you know has been caused grief by an "Internet Bully" then you and/or that person is nothing but a little punk ass bitch, and the world would be a better, more manly place if you'd just jump off a fucking bridge already. Late.
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Old 25 Apr 2006, 11:09 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks. That brightened up my day.
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Old 25 Apr 2006, 12:33 PM   #4 (permalink)
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OMG, that was sooooooooo funny. I wanna try too!!!!!!

Resume of Ted Kennedy.

July 18, 1969: Drove car off brigde in Chappaquiddick. Left Mary Jo Kopechne to drown.

Spent next 35+ years in a drunken stupor, raping women in personal compound and rising in power to be the moral leader and conscience of the democratic party.

Wow, that was pretty cool. Except you know, I actually had a fact in mine, but who really cares. And in no way does this represent my personal feelings.
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Old 25 Apr 2006, 02:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
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David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.David is a god damn rich cunt.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Exo
OMG, that was sooooooooo funny. I wanna try too!!!!!!

Resume of Ted Kennedy.

July 18, 1969: Drove car off brigde in Chappaquiddick. Left Mary Jo Kopechne to drown.

Spent next 35+ years in a drunken stupor, raping women in personal compound and rising in power to be the moral leader and conscience of the democratic party.

Wow, that was pretty cool. Except you know, I actually had a fact in mine, but who really cares. And in no way does this represent my personal feelings.
lmfao that's fucked up but it's all true. (well, maybe not the raping women part... Idk anything about that)
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Old 25 Apr 2006, 03:06 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by David?
lmfao that's fucked up but it's all true. (well, maybe not the raping women part... Idk anything about that)
http://www.crimelibrary.com/notoriou...edy/index.html

It's always a good time at the kennedy compound.
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Old 25 Apr 2006, 07:41 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Exo
http://www.crimelibrary.com/notoriou...edy/index.html

It's always a good time at the kennedy compound.
LMFAO...

NOOOOO!!! NOT THE KENNEDYS!!!

Fucking vile scum bitches. I saw Uncle Ted on TV the other day talking this and talking that......I was like, "Hon, change the channel...I don't like it when murderers get face time with the media."

Then there's that fucked up Michael Skakel fucker...took 15 fucking years just to get the ball rolling on this fucker's trial......he doesn't even carry the fucking last name...WTF??

When the revolution comes, every Kennedy needs to go before the firing squad. If Arnold has a problem with it, he can go back to fucking Austria for all I care, but the world needs to be freed of the Sludge that is the Kennedy Family.

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People who use the words "Internet Bullies" are the most pussiest form of pussies you'll ever find. Chances are better than not that any girlfriend they've ever had cheated on them multiple times, probably right in front of them, laughing at their pitiful punk asses the whole time while they sat there and cried. If you or someone you know has been caused grief by an "Internet Bully" then you and/or that person is nothing but a little punk ass bitch, and the world would be a better, more manly place if you'd just jump off a fucking bridge already. Late.
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Old 26 Apr 2006, 02:54 PM   #8 (permalink)
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When I was about 12 Teddy was the in a parade in North Adams, MA and I let off a whole pack of stink bombs about 10 seconds before he showed up.
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Old 28 Apr 2006, 02:55 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Double K , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Double K , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Double K , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Double K , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Double K , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Double K , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Double K , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Double K , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Double K , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Double K , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Double K , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.
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yeah, and how about the time he choked on the pretzel. cant believe they didnt throw that in too.
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Old 28 Apr 2006, 04:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
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yeah, and how about the time he choked on the pretzel. cant believe they didnt throw that in too.
Oh yeah...
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Old 29 Apr 2006, 02:23 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Or how about the time...you know...a couple years ago...when like...you know...every media outlet ...you know...in the nation...like...was just...like...blasting the fuck out of W...and you know...noone could say...you know...anything positive about him...or like...you couldn't like...even say something that wasn't...you know...degrading to him without...getting...you know...ridiculed and mocked...

...and then do you like...remember the time he like...you know...despite MTV and like....CNN's best efforts...he like...you know...beat the fuck out of John Kerry in both the Popular and the Electoral Vote in a year that saw record turnout overall and record turnout of voters who weren't old enough to vote in the previous Presidential election.



Anyway, I'm not making a statement (other than fact) with that...I'm just saying that shit was pretty fucking funny.



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People who use the words "Internet Bullies" are the most pussiest form of pussies you'll ever find. Chances are better than not that any girlfriend they've ever had cheated on them multiple times, probably right in front of them, laughing at their pitiful punk asses the whole time while they sat there and cried. If you or someone you know has been caused grief by an "Internet Bully" then you and/or that person is nothing but a little punk ass bitch, and the world would be a better, more manly place if you'd just jump off a fucking bridge already. Late.
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Old 29 Apr 2006, 02:58 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Just remember... only stupid people choke sometimes. If someone is choking, it is sure-fire proof that they are morons. Let them suffocate. They deserve it for being such choking morons.
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