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Memo from the National Affairs Desk 3
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Old 19 Jul 2005, 06:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Memo from the National Affairs Desk 3

A recent review of the current state of political involvement by college students brought back alarming results. The survey conducted by the good folks at Fox News declared that you as a population don’t give a fuck. And that it an of itself would be Okay but for the nagging fear in my soul that perhaps, just perhaps, you should care. Its hard for you to care to care though, because nothing kills a buzz faster than when the damn Republicans start talking, and nothing makes me want to jump into a pit of angry, horny gorillas more than hearing a Democrat speak. The simple fact of the matter is: Politics Sucks.

Ordinarily, I would give this as much thought and consideration as I would a Jehovah’s Witness who just came to my door, mace them heartily and then shut the door, leaving them to wallow on my front stoop for a moment or two before they leave…never to return. But I ran across a quote the other day that caused me to shed tears of resentment. It was as follows: ‘In a democracy, people generally get the kind of government they deserve.” Adlai Stevenson said that, and it is as true now as it was then. The rants of ravings of bloated old men on “Meet the Press” while tiresome and ungodly, point to a greater truth: we did this to ourselves.

The only way you can make things better is to change them yourselves, keeping in mind that the route of change will be as fun as a Bio 100 lecture class, sans the hot chick in front you whose thongs peeks up from her low-rise jeans. But I swear there will be Rum, Whiskey, and Beer for all, because in politics there is only one (1) way to do things…so totally drunk that all sense of reason has left your brain, leaving only the most basic animalistic instincts. Ted Kennedy did things this way. He killed a woman and got away with it…Dick Cheney was and alcoholic and the senate confirmed for both VP and Secretary of defense in 2000 and 1989 respectively…in 1974 a guy named Wilbur Mills got caught frolicking drunk and naked with a stripper in a D.C. fountain and he was made chairman of the House Ways and Means committee…JFK got drunk and he fucked Marilyn Monroe… they weren’t sober, and by God, as college students neither are you.

Which leads me to my point. Of all the people in the country, who better to vote for and have a voice in politics? The college students, of course. Aside from career alcoholics down at the Social Security office and DMV, you are the drunkest people on the face of the planet, staying intoxicated roughly 4 out of every 7 days, consuming more fluid in a week than the nation Peru consumes in an entire year. If it wasn’t for collegians, the Budweiser Clydesdales would have been made into dog food during the Reagan Administration. But no! Keg Parties on the frat house lawns kept those damn horses alive, and in the same spirit, your alcoholic tendencies shall keep freedom alive!

In closing, remember this. In 1920, they made alcohol illegal, prohibition began. In 1929, the stock market crashed, and in 1933, prohibition was repealed, and we went on to win World war II. I like your chances for making difference…
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Old 19 Jul 2005, 07:54 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Most of my friends are active in public affairs. Hell, even I joined the a group that was anti-Bush. I just think we're just getting fucking lousy alternatives
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