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Nick Saban 31 Mar 2005 12:00 AM

The Little Letter
A Mindless Rant

The Louisiana Commissioner of Insurance, Robert Wooley, has a forty thousand dollar truck paid for by the taxpayers. Not to be confused by the truck he got last year. The interesting thing about this process is that all of the statewide elected officials get vehicles from the state, excluding the lieutenant governor, who is driven by the state police when they aren’t delivering sugar bowl tickets, and the governor, who is busy eating with Fidel Castro.

Just because Wooley appears to be getting better vehicles than the rest of the state officials (leaving the poorest state’s residents in the dust) doesn’t make him crooked, but why not tell the jokes about it?

I hear he has a slot in his office door for night deposits. He not only has the first dollar he ever made but the plain brown paper bag it came in.

His biggest problem is that he stays away for long stretches- sometimes 7 years… 5 on good behavior.

His hand is out so often his palm is sunburned. He’s easy to find though, he’s always in his office or someone else’s pocket.

He’s just proof that the only way to combat criminals is to not vote for them.

This was sponsored by the re-elect Robert Wooley campaign. “It’s your money, why give it to a stranger?”

-Joe “I haven’t had the chance to be corrupt yet” Little

PS In Soviet Union, corruption jokes write themselves.

Forgotten Sin 31 Mar 2005 12:13 AM

good read. guy sounds like quite the money-hog.

Nick Saban 03 Apr 2005 11:49 PM

Little Letter April 4th, 2005
Taxes Don’t look Right to me

Nothing is certain but death and taxes. The difference is that after death you care if you audited… That’s it. You can’t take it with you; the IRS (Institute Resembling Spittoon) just wants to make sure.

Does anyone else find it odd that the country’s birthday is July 4th but it gets its presents on April 15th?

Taxes are just an annual reminder that the land of the free ain’t.

As Will Rogers once said, “The income taxes have made more kliars out of the American people than golf.”

Consider this when you do your taxes (or next year when you do them if necessary): If you saw the government in a store for that price, would you buy it?

Always have a good stiff drink before you fill out the return. You may not be able to afford it afterwards.

New tax form: A) Name Social Security… B) Occupation C) How much money you made D) How much you have left E) Send D.

This was sponsored by Cess, Poole, and Drane Tax Agency. “Because you are incapable of writing down numbers.”

-Joe “Repeal the 19th Amendment” Little

PS In Soviet Union, taxes are higher because government spends more. The weird thing is everything is provided by the government so could just withhold the proper amount and solve the problem. But then if the problem was solved it really wouldn’t be the Soviet Union, would it?

Trevelbond 04 Apr 2005 12:19 AM

Damn straight.

Nick Saban 13 Apr 2005 09:34 PM

Little Letter 4-13-05
Light Bulbs

How many John Kerry clones does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2: one to screw it in and one to flip-flop the switch. (I can’t let the flip-flop thing die yet)

How many President Bush clones does it take to screw in a light bulb? 3: one to plan the strategery, one to delegate the duty, and one to say “mission accomplished”.

How many carpenters does it take to screw in a light bulb? No one knows: it’s the electrician’s job.

How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two: one to screw it in and one not to screw it in.

How many pessimists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None: the old one is probably in too tight.

How many people who don’t look right to me does it take to screw in a light bulb? You should know better than I do.

How many country singers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 5: One to screw it in, and 4 to sing about how much they miss the old one.

This was sponsored by General Electric. “Little, you’ve done it again. This time we sue.”

- “It only takes one” Joe Little

PS In Soviet Union, it takes 3 KGB agents to screw in light bulb. One to read instructions, one to realize there is no electricity, and one to protect these two members of the intelligentsia.

Rebel 13 Apr 2005 09:48 PM

:err: Nice work, Joe.

Nick Saban 19 Apr 2005 09:26 PM

The Little Letter 4-19-05
Do These people Think?

This is proof that people do not have to use the good sense God gave them. Look at this conversation.

Moron who doesn’t look right to me: It was very unique.

Me: How can something be “very unique”? Given that unique means one of a kind, something can not be more unique than something else.

Moron: (obviously struggling for the right words. A deep struggle I imagine, given their eventual answer as well as the linguistic skills shown in a previous statement) Well, that’s just retarded.

Me: If you truly believe that a statement can be mentally incompetent, you are stupider than you look – which boggles the mind.

It appears that these people no more speak the language than chew it up and spit it out.

On another note: April 21 marks the anniversary of when I started printing these. And yet, I feel so empty inside.

- Joe “Is it just me or has this gag lost its charm” Little

PS In Soviet Union, nothing lasts a year without government support. This has run without government knowledge.

PPS As Will Rogers once said, “Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.”

Forgotten Sin 19 Apr 2005 09:47 PM

Happy anniversaary to the Little Letter.

_UT_ 19 Apr 2005 09:58 PM

No it hasn't lost its charm.

Forgotten Sin 19 Apr 2005 10:02 PM

Glory Glory hallelujah.

CK 21 Apr 2005 03:12 PM

I love the Yakov Smirnoff thing....its great

In Russia is freedom of speech, In America is also freedom AFTER speech
In America you watch Television, in Russia television watches you

O poor Yakov...we hardly knew ye...

Nick Saban 28 Apr 2005 09:14 PM

The Little Letter 4-28-05
The Tangipahoa Parish Department of the Obvious Presents Trains and you

It is becoming painfully obvious that people in this parish have not figured out that when a train and a car meet, the train usually wins. In the past two months, there have been seven cars hit by trains in Tangipahoa Parish.

There is no explanation for this. Trains make a loud noise; they are not silent killers. When a train is coming, it often blows a whistle. The only excuse one may have, is that their head was up their butt, but that would make the whistle echo.

I know this will not be popular opinion, but I don’t write Popular Opinion (may not exist), I write The Little Letter. If a person dies due to their own stupidity, they do the world a favor by eliminating their genes from the gene pool. However, if someone else goes with them, or they do something like stop a train, that is a problem. Thus, Brandon Cutrer, who has fulfilled his lifelong goal of being mentioned in The Little Letter, is light-years ahead of these people despite that being his goal and not looking right to me.

So, to make it as obvious as the department wants, if a train is coming, hit the break. That is the pedal on the left (I don’t think anyone who couldn’t figure this out would be able to drive a standard).

This was sponsored by The Tangipahoa parish Department of the Obvious. “We have no funding. This is the only place we can afford to advertise on.”

- Joe “I always preferred Popeye’s whistle” Little

PS Trains in Soviet Union only go to and from Siberia. Stopping them means nothing.

_UT_ 28 Apr 2005 09:20 PM

^Strange, I have said the same thing about every one of those accidents.

Nick Saban 28 Apr 2005 09:40 PM

The whole Popular Opinion thing or the part about silent killers?

louisiana2me 28 Apr 2005 09:44 PM

funny shit Joe (this si Will)

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