The Little Letter

[Nick Saban]

I've always said that the mnute it becomes more of an inconvinance than a source of joy to write, it ends. While I was in class, it met those qualifications.

I have a few already in mind.

[Nick Saban]

Rewriting the Constitution

Section I: Congress

Article I: Congress shall be defined as the opposite of progress. It shall consist of 2 houses (A steakhouse and a jailhouse) whose primary accomplishment will be to cancel each other out.

Article II: All proposed tax laws must be at least the weight of the largest member of the Senate. If anyone who did not achieve a PhD (Pretty High Degree) can understand a full paragraph of a tax law, or half of another type of law, it shall go back to a joint committee.

Article III: In order to qualify for the Senate, one must be in possession of at least 2 dark suits and at least 3 qualities that will make him/her an easy for scandal in case the news can not find any real scandals to talk about.

Article IV: All members of the House of Representatives shall meet these requirements: See previous article.

Section II: The Executive Branch

Article I: The executive branch shall consist of the president, the vice president, and a heap of other people who serve no purpose that we shall mention.

Article II: Virtually anybody born in this country can grow up to be president. Anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president.

Article III: The executive branch is to be shoved up the vice president’s rear end (Turning it sideways beforehand is to be done at the discretion of the vice president).

Article IV: Requirements to be president shall include having a spouse who must take up a useless cause about which those who would benefit are apathetic, fluency in a language (not necessarily English), and a lot of extra time, money, and room in head.

Section III: The Supreme Court

Article I: The Supreme Court shall consist of 9 ex-lawyers who always use supreme gasoline.

Article II: The members of the Supreme Court will be nominated by the president and will be investigated by the Senate just to make sure that they do not look right to me.

Article III: Seeing as they don’t read this anyway, the Supreme Court can make up their own Article 3. Yes, I used the real number. What do you intend to do about it?

Section IV: Amendments

Amendment I: Congress shall be replaced by the more efficient, entertaining, and effective fighting drunkards.

Amendment II: The president shall have the power to veto people as well as bills. In other words, all abortions need the president’s approval.

Amendment III: Supreme Court justices will be selected by the same process by which people are drafted. For that matter, a military draft shall be permanently in effect.

Amendment III: Amendment III intentionally left blank.

Amendment IV: You don’t look right to me.

Amendment V: Anything can qualify as an amendment.

Amendment VI: One of the words in this amendment is misspelled.

Amendment VII: Thou shalt not mess around with Jim.

Amendment KJ: Roman numerals suck.


This travesty was sponsored by Jonathan’s Plumbing. “John can work on John’s.”

- “Thou also shalt not mess around with” Joe Little

PS In Soviet Union, Constitution guarantees freedom of speech. Only American Constitution guarantees freedom afterwards, however.

[_UT_]

I'd rep you if I could, but I can't right now.