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Dectective Oblivious: Case of the......hey....where are my pants!!?
 
 
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Old 10 Jul 2004, 02:39 PM   #1 (permalink)
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naughty Dectective Oblivious: Case of the......hey....where are my pants!!?

Here's some more of my comedy stylings:

The wind blew from the cold alleyway like a cold......wind thingy. Sure, it might have been 90 degrees outside, July, and I might have been drenched in sweat; but I sure felt cold.
"Investigator O! Investigator O!" was the noise I heard eminating from somewhere in the alley outside my office. The sound was accompanied by footsteps and I immediately looked down to make sure that my shoes weren't trying to run away from me. Fortunately, I was bare footed.

"Investigator O!" I looked up from my cup of coffee to see a young woman running towards me, and I immediately did a spit take of some scolding hot substance into her face.

"Ahhhh!!!!!"

I realized.....I don't have any coffee. What did I put in the coffee pot and what had I been drinking.

"Sorry." I exclaimed as I tried to wipe it off of her face with the tail of my trench coat.

"Never mind that, that's okay" she said as her eyes began to wander downward trying to avoid eye contact, "I was wondering if.......why aren't you wearing any pants?"

"You came all that way to ask me why I'm not wearing pants?"

She shook her head and asked again.

"Pants are over rated."

"You could at least put on some underpants!"

I just stared at her blankly ".....Under....pants?"

She swallowed hard and stared at my face trying hard not to see my dangling member in her peripheal vision.

"Anyhow," she added, trying very hard to swallow emotion, or maybe she had something stuck in her throat, maybe a cheeto, maybe she had eaten something pretty big like a bagel or something for breakfast and it was still stuck in her throat, maybe I should eat a bagel, I mean sure, they are high in carbs but they sure taste good, maybe I should buy a boat....

"Yes!!! A boat!"

"Huh?" She stared at me.

"Never mind, please continue."

"Okay" she says puzzled, either that or the bagel in her throat is bothering her, "do you still do freelance detective work? If so, I could really use your help."

"Yes, I pay for a hefty charge though. What's you case?"

"Okay" she said alternating between crossing her arms and waving in hand gestures "you see, there's this gang in our neighborhood; a real tough gang. They are all" she began to ramble something about a gang and I unfortunately began to wander mentally, I should have had my coffe. Even though I don't drink coffe, I'm allergic to caffeine, and it's very hard to concentrate with my wang flapping in the wind. 'Where are my pants?' I wondered. "At the peir, and they all began to get all hostile. One of them came up and hit me." That son of a..........I can't stand woman hitters. Well, I think it was a woman hitter. Either that, or some guy forces people to play Blackjack at random for no reason and she only had like........16 points or something and she was all like 'Hit me.' I really should pay more attention.

"Did you get all of that?" she asked.

I nodded, mainly noticing how cool it feels to push your heat against empty space.

"So you'll take my case?"

Man that feels cool.

"Oh, thank you so much." Her arms went around my neck and she gave me a big hug, trying not to come in contact with my little private eye.

"So you'll meet them at the pier at nine o' clock?"

Man, that feels really cool.

"Okay. I'll pay you at the sub shop around the corner at noon. Come with all the details."

She walked off and out of my life, probably for good. I may never see her again, and I really should have listened to what she said. Where are my pants though? I've got a hunch that they might be at the pier at nine o' clock. I'll have to check there.
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Old 10 Jul 2004, 05:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Nick Saban , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.
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I liked it. Of course I would've chuckled at the word "pants". Its a funny word and that gives me an idea for a thread in OT
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