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Old 21 Mar 2004, 10:24 PM   #1 (permalink)
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here's a little something i wrote several years ago
I do apologize if it sucks:

The bloodiest wrestling matches are all here, according to the video cover. So let’s take a look and see if it’s true or not:

Match 1: MIL MASCARAS & THE ICEMAN v MR. POGO & MIGUEL PEREZ JR: Perez and Mil seem so out of place here. Iceman and Pogo rip into each other to start while Mil mops the outside with Miguel. Pogo wastes no time in getting his sickle and carving Iceman’s face with it. After several slices, Iceman’s face is a bloody mess, yet he manages a comeback with a low blow and a hurricanrana. Meanwhile, Perez and Mil are back in and Mil destroys Miguel some more. However, Pogo attacks Mil with his sickle and he slices him on the back a few times. All four guys brawl some more, but finally Mil goes up top, hits a leaping plancha nearly halfway across the ring onto Miguel, as Iceman and Pogo brawl in the audience, and gets the pin at 12:33. Good for what it was, but as I stated earlier, Mil and Miguel were very out of place here. **

Match 2: CAGE MATCH: MR. POGO v GYPSY JOE: Pogo attacks Gypsy with his sickle right away, busting him open with it right away. When the ref finally intervenes, Gypsy takes the opportunity to hit a flying press onto Pogo, followed by a northern lights bomb for the two count. Pogo goes back onto the assault and digs the sickle into Joe’s shoulder and back. The ref once again gets Pogo off of him, but Pogo seems to have an evil, grinchy idea. He exits the cage and gets a chain and some gasoline, and he proceeds to tie Joe by the neck onto the cage. With that, he puts some of the gas in his mouth and blows a small fire ball at Joe’s head. In-fucking-sane! Pogo brings Joe back to the match and gloats a bit, then goes for the cover, but it only gets two. And Pogo is shocked. I am too after what happened to Joe! So, being the evil bastard that he is, Pogo goes back outside and takes an umbrella from an audience member, goes into the cage, and just bashes Joe over the head several times. Joe amazingly makes a comeback and grabs the umbrella from Pogo and sticks it in his eye, causing some blood to flow. He bashes Pogo with it a few times, but Pogo ducks the last blow and elbows Joe in the face. Joe’s entire face is just engulfed in blood, but he still goes strong after recovering from the elbow and just chops the shit out of Pogo. More back and fourth action before finally Pogo hits a DDT onto some sort of board for the pin at 13:00. Just an insane brawl by both men gives this a very high rating. ****

Match 3: SCAFFOLD MATCH: THE ICEMAN v MIGUEL PEREZ JR: Ho hum…where to begin…Iceman and Miguel crawl around for about 80 years, making contact maybe two times in the entire match…then…Miguel manages to savat kick Iceman off the scaffold onto some tables in the ring at 11:21. We’ll be fair and just say DUD.

Match 4: BARBED WIRE MATCH: MR. POGO & SUPER INVADER v MITSUTERU TOKUDA & YUKIHERO KANEMURA: Pogo right away sickles Tokuda as Super Invader just beats the crap out of Kanemura, albeit a bit lethargically. Pogo attempts to hit Tokuda with the sickle like a baseball bat, but Tokuda ducks and Pogo falls into the barbed wire. Meanwhile, Kanemura gets a face full of barbed wire, yet he still tries to pry off Invader’s mask. Pogo meanwhile is tossed to the outside and Tokuda hits a beautiful plancha over the barbed wire onto Pogo. A bit of stalling, followed by more brawling, now the faces are in control. Kanemura slams Invader down and Tokuda comes down off the top onto him with a barbed wire board for two. Pogo finally gets back in the ring and sickles Kanemura’s back, but Tokuda saves his partner with a lariat for two. More brawling, then finally Pogo gets his gasoline and torch and blows a fireball at Kanemura out of nowhere. Invader powerbombs Tokuda out of the ring, and Kanemura is pinned by Pogo at 9:13. Match was kinda blah, and the ending came out of nowhere, so **.

Match 5: COFFIN MATCH: MR. POGO v JASON THE TERRIBLE: Jason starts us off with some karate kicks and chops, but Pogo comes back with some stiff ass punches and a few sickle shots. Jason goes from across the ropes and hits a spinning heel kick, which causes Pogo to go crashing to the outside. Jason then hits a flying plancha onto him. Both men brawl near the casket, and Pogo slams Jason’s head onto it. More brawling, then Jason hits the northern lights bomb onto Pogo. He drags him over to the coffin, but Pogo revives himself and squirms loose. We get a short chase, but Pogo then lures Jason into the audience and slams some chairs onto his head. They go towards the middle of the audience and take turns slamming a table into each other. More brawling, then they finally go back into the ring and exchange some chops before Pogo goes low with the sickle. As Jason reels, Pogo hits him in the head with his knee right into the coffin at 10:00. But Pogo isn’t done yet. He chains the coffin closed, pours some gasoline on it, and sets it on fire. Immediately, wrestlers and refs come to the coffin to douse it out. All the while, Pogo just stands in the ring with a sick smile on his face. This just shows just how much of a sick bastard Pogo is. The post part of the match was crazy, and the overall match was pretty damn good. *** ¾.

Match 6: FIRE DEATH MATCH: MR. POGO v MITSUHIRO MATSUNAGA: Mr. Pogo must be a very popular guy, as he is pretty much in all of these matches. Pretty much a nothing match as the two trade back and fourth violence, all the while inching closer to a pit of fire. Finally, Matsunaga savat kicks Pogo into this pit to end this match at 6:13. Both men looked sluggish, and the match itself was boring. *

Match 7: MR. POGO & MITSUHIRO MATSUNAGA v THE HEADHUNTERS: The Headhunters threaten to beat up a fan at ringside, yet the fans still cheer for them. Pogo blitzes both Headhunters to start just to show how big his balls are. However, The HH’s are bigger nut cases then Pogo, so they beat the crap out of him, then Matsunaga gets his butt kicked just for the hell of it. Everyone goes in, and Pogo gains the upper hand with some sickle shots to both Head Hunters. Some more mindless brawling happens, then Pogo gets a surprise fireball on one of the Hunters, but it only gets two as the other one breaks it up. The hunters then toss Pogo into the fourth wall, all the while setting Matsunaga up on a table. One holds him down and the other hits a moonsault through the table, which gets the three at 8:00. Just your basic hardcore brawl, nothing major here folks. *

Match 8: FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE: MR. POGO v KIM DUK: Kim Duk comes out to Peter Gabriel’s “Sledgehammer” for some odd reason. Match is really nothing to scream about, as they brawl out of the ring, into the audience, and almost to the back of the arena, all the while Pogo sickling the shit out of Kim. Finally, Pogo piledrives Kim through a table, then fireballs him for the win at 7:32. The match was really slow, and Kim just had this “Let’s get this shit over with” look on his face the whole time. **

Match 9: JASON THE TERRIBLE v NIGHTMARE FREDDY v LEATHERFACE v MICHAEL MEYERS: Meyers is Japanese wrestler Yugo Nagasaki under a Meyers mask. The later Meyers happened to be played by a British wrestler named Karl Douglas. The ropes are replaced with barbed wire and on the outside there are 3 exploding glass pits. Our four horror movie gimmick boys go at it, with Jason and Leatherface fighting on one side with Freddy and Meyers on the other. Jason’s mask is ripped off 5 minutes into the match (shocking eh? It only happens in 90 percent of the matches he’s in). You can tell by how Meyers wrestles that it’s Yugo under the mask, as he is more acrobatic and such. In the Douglas years, he was more of a lumbering, power move guy. The match…eh…It’s mostly just the 4 guys getting ripped into the barbed wire for the first 10 minutes, then we finally get some action as Jason and Freddy fight to dump each other into one of the pits. Finally, Leather comes over and just dumps both guys in, and the pit explodes upon impact. 2 minutes later, both men emerge, Jason bleeding buckets, and Freddy clutching his left arm. More brawling follows, then Leather falls into another pit. Meyers takes this time to DDT Freddy and pins him for the win at 17:23. Ending came out of nowhere, however, it was some good action. ***

Match 10: NAIL DEATH MATCH: MITSUHIRO MATSUNAGA v LEATHERFACE: 4 Huge beds of nails are set up on the outside of the ring. Leatherface chases a ref around the ring with his chainsaw, but Matsunaga puts an end to it with a plancha. They brawl all around the ring and into the audience, then finally get back into the ring, where Leatherface takes over with some powermoves. He teases powerbombing Matsunaga onto the nails, but he then turns around and simply plants him in the center of the ring. They go back and fourth a bit more, then Leather gets clotheslined onto the apron, where he and Mats have a struggle to get him onto the nails. Finally, Matsunaga gets sick of this and he thrust kicks Leather, and he just goes splat into the nails. He looks really hurt, so Matsunaga stays in the ring for several moments and allows him time to get up. Leather finally gets in the ring and he is rolled up for a three at 8:19. Match was great until Leather fell into the nails, then it went downhill. **

Overall: The coffin match, the four way match, and the Pogo/Gypsy Joe match are must sees, everything else if a bit iffy.
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