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Part I: Destiny; Chapter 1: Test of courage
 
 
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Old 19 Nov 2002, 05:19 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Part I: Destiny; Chapter 1: Test of courage

Criticize freely, but try and help me out. This is only the first part and the FINAL draft, sdo there shouldn't be too much problems with it.

Part I: Destiny

The deafening thunder came accompanied with the scorching heat of lightning, striking a nearby tree and reducing it to splinters. Nathan Williams dove to the ground, hiding his face in a puddle from the shrapnel bursting from the tree. As he pulled himself up from the ground, the rain came, heavy and hot on his back.

“Great idea, Nathe,” Nathan’s friend, Justin Greene said from the cover behind a nearby hill.

Nathan replied by raising one finger on his left hand towards Justin. “Where is Michael B?” he yelled over the increasing downpour of rain.

“Over here,” Michael Bottenfield yelled from behind a large tree stump he hid behind.

“You both okay?” Nathan asked them as they walked over to stand under a tree.

“Could be better,” Justin replied. “Why the hell did you decide to get firewood right before a thunderstorm?”

“You think I knew it was coming?” Nathan asked him. The three of them were seniors at Wasson High School in Colorado Springs, Colorado. They were good friends, and with the approaching end of winter break coming, they agreed to spend a weekend in Divide at Nathan’s grandfather’s cabin. When they got there, they found that a power line nearby was down, so they were left without any source of entertainment. They were going to wait until the following day and get some firewood to build a fire, but they decided to do that earlier. It seemed that when they lost sight of the house, a thunderstorm gathered it’s worst parts right above them. Now they were standing under a tall aspen tree, more miserable than a pack of drowning rats. Never mind the fact we look like a pack of drowning rats, too.

“You couldn’t look at the weather before we came up here?” Michael B countered Nathan’s question. Great… Now they’re working against me.

“No, I didn’t,” Nathan answered. It didn’t cross my mind to look for possible signs of a thunderstorm. I didn’t make plans to lock you guys outside.

“So, now what?” Justin asked, changing the subject. “Keep looking, or go back inside to see if the power’s back?”

“I don’t see the fun in heading back to the cabin now,” Michael B snapped sarcastically. “Nathe may want to look for more firewood.”

“Look, all because you got your shorts a little wet, don’t cry to me.” Nathan ordered with his own touch of sarcasm. Michael B was mad, apparently, but he meant no harm with what he said. “Let’s head back.”

Little happened on their return trip to the cabin, save that Michael B tripped on a stick, falling into a large puddle and blaming it on Nathan. Nathan wasn’t offended that Michael B blamed it on him. He did put the stick there for him to fall over.

They found the front door to the cabin shortly after the stick incident. As they climbed up the small flight of stairs, the three of them all noticed a man in a white cloak standing near the edge of the forest surrounding the cabin.

“Who the hell is that?” Michael B asked Nathan. Michael B was blocking the entrance to the door, and already inside himself.

“Looks like he’s lost…” Justin pointed out. “Should we go help him out?”

“He looks fine to me,” Nathan voiced his opinion.

“Should we ask him what he’s doing?” Michael B asked. “I mean, what if he’s a homicidal maniac?”

“Dressed like that?” Justin asked. “If anyone were looking for him, he’d be caught in no…”

Nathan… Nathan’s thoughts suddenly interrupted Michael B and Justin’s arguing. He looked to the man in white and saw that he was mouthing his name as he heard his mind say them. Tell your friends to leave, Nathan… Their fate does not become part of yours this day…

Stupidly, Nathan did as his mind instructed him to do. “Hey, guys,” He said, interrupting his friends arguing. “Go ahead and get inside. I’ll take care of him.”

“Why?” Justin asked. “He could be carrying a gun.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Nathan insisted. Now drop it and get inside.

Michael B put up no argument and went further into the cabin. Justin almost tried to argue again, but then gave up and went inside with a sigh.

Nathan directed his attention back to the man in white. Now, we shall begin… Come closer, chosen one…

Nathan walked toward the man with care, trying not to let the voice in his head fool him. If it is a trick… I need to be ready for anything…

The man stood looking down at Nathan, smiling when Nathan came into his view. His cloak blocked all of his face, save a thin shade of hair covering his lower jaw. His cloak seemed to repel the rain, having the rain bend around it instead of actually hitting it. That’s a neat trick…

“Here I am,” Nathan said to the man. Nathan never intended to say those words, but as he looked the man over, they seemed to come out on their own. “Now what do you want from me?”

“What I want from you makes little difference,” The man replied. “I am only a messenger for it. What it wants is far more important than anything I could say…” The man walked over to Nathan and began to circle him slowly, looking him over. “You want truth, Nathan. Deep in the back of your mind, you search endlessly for it. It torments your mind endlessly. When you run, it comes into thought. When you are with your friends, it eats away at you. The one question you cannot answer:” The man paused for a moment, as if he were an actor trying to gain an element of drama. He was succeeding. “You ask yourself ‘Please, tell me, why am I here?’”

Nathan’s arms crossed across his chest, staring at the man with a mix of shock and disdain. “I might…”

“You do,” The man replied. “Don’t deny it. But I did not come here to tell you what you want from life, Nathan. I came to answer your question.” The man turned away from Nathan, walking back into the forest. He stopped at the forest’s edge, then turned to Nathan again. “It knows what your fate is… It can lead you. But in order for you to receive its guidance, you must trust a stranger and follow me.” The man motioned for Nathan to follow, then walked into the forest. With the rain beating on his head and shoulders, Nathan sighed heavily and walked into the forest, only twenty meters behind the man in white.

The path they followed took many twists and turns. Nathan was honestly blind to where he was actually going. He just followed the man, without concern for where he was. Another part of his mind took over his body. What was “it”? What did “it” have that Nathan could not find? Why was “it” so important to him, even though he had no idea what “it” was?

In time, Nathan followed the man to an area with a large tree scaling up to the sky. The scenery seemed to be shaded with a dark green, and though he could see well around the area surrounding the giant tree, seeing through the forest surrounding it was all but impossible. I thought I knew the area up here pretty well, but I’ve never seen any of this before.

The man walked towards a sword that was stabbed into the ground, in front of the tree. The tree was twisted and black around its trunk, but seemed welcoming and fruitful nonetheless. At its base, a katana was stabbed into the ground, seeming to give the tree life.

“Here is its resting place,” The man spoke, sanding over the sword and looking up the tree. “Here is where it chose me. Only the chosen can see this place, Nathan.” The man pulled the sword out of the ground, then turned to Nathan, pointing it at him. “But only the strong and the brave can leave…”

Before Nathan even realized what was happening, the man charged at him with blinding speed, then slashed the sword at Nathan’s chest, cutting it and the shirt covering it open. Nathan screamed in pain and terror, clenching at his tattered shirt and falling to his knees. He felt his warm blood soak his arm, and Nathan could only scream.

“It cannot be controlled,” The man said, kicking Nathan in the chest and causing him to slide at a violent speed into the base of the bizarre tree. “It cannot be contained. The wearer’s only hope is that it does not choose to kill his allies. Its power is unbelievable, and also unstoppable.” The man dashed towards Nathan and slashed at the arm covering his chest, then grabbed his head and threw him towards the forest’s edge. Nathan didn’t even have time to scream.

“But one day, when it is needed, it will give its full power to its wearer. Are you that one, Nathan? Will you stop its frightful power for the sake of peace and survival?” Nathan looked up to see the man standing over him, ready to drive the katana down into his skull. “Or has it chosen wrong?”

The man stabbed the sword down at Nathan, and time seemed to all but stop. In a blind rage, Nathan took advantage of he slowing passage of time and leapt back, away from the blade’s stab. Blood running from his right arm and chest, Nathan jumped as high as he could and planted his right foot onto the man’s left cheek with a thunderous kick. The man stammered, but did not fall. When Nathan landed, his rage did not hesitate to send his left foot at full force into the man’s midsection, doubling him over. Sword still in his hand, he slashed at Nathan again, glazing his right thigh. Nathan ignored the surge of pain and uppercuts the man in his jaw with strength he never knew he had. As the man was in the air, Nathan grabbed his cloak and pulled him back down, kicking him in the side with all he had left. That single kick was enough to make his opponent drop his sword. Without hesitation, Nathan dove for the weapon and stood again, holding the sword at his side as the man in white slowly rose to his feet.


Continued on next post...

Last edited by Hero; 19 Nov 2002 at 05:23 PM.
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Old 19 Nov 2002, 05:20 PM   #2 (permalink)
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The man climbed to his feet slowly at a safe distance, not to allow Nathan to inflict wounds similar to his own. When he regained footing, he looked at Nathan, smiled, and even chuckled.

“We have found the one,” He said. He didn’t seem to direct the question at Nathan, but at somebody else entirely. “Well done, Nathan… I thank you for your courage, trust, and my freedom.” The man jumped in the air… and kept going up.

What the hell? Nathan thought. The sword in his hand suddenly vanished in a bright ray of light, and the rain stung at Nathan’s wounds, reminding him of the pain he experienced.

He clenched his chest in pure agony as a new voice rang into his head. Your life will end in pain, loneliness, and despair. But in your end, you will know that millions will live because of your sacrifice. It gives you now your gift… and your destiny.

The pain as quickly as it had started, suddenly ended. The wounds leaked profusely, but didn’t hurt. Between gasps for air, Nathan looked leaned onto his back and stared up at the sky. And it was a good thing he did. He never would have seen the lightning strike him if he did not. Intense fire entered his body, then everything went numb as his vision became black.
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Old 19 Nov 2002, 06:19 PM   #3 (permalink)
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i aint read all of it, but its great, its built like a real novel....i cant even write a story like a book that good.... your a genius, a real fucking genius
 
 


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