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Super-Man Movie !?!?!?!?!
 
 
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Old 14 Oct 2002, 09:25 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Angry Super-Man Movie !?!?!?!?!

IT'S A BIRD, IT'S A PLANE, IT'S THE BIGGEST BOMB EVER!!!

It's the new Superman movie that everyone's been screaming about. I know you all probably know the story... but you might not know ALL the "creative liberties" the first draft (provided by Alias and Felicity creator JJ Abrams) had taken... so I pulled out the entire story outlined at Ain't It Cool a month ago and went over them.

-It's part one of a Trilogy

-Krypton doesn't explode. It's alive and well and run by Anthony Hopkins. The BAD Kryptonian... well, one of them named Ty-Zor shows up on Earth thirty years after Kal-El crashes to kill him. It all ties in with some sort of "Prophecy"

-Supes is apparently a black belt... doing Matrix like moves mid-air

-Clark's adopted "Ma" doesn't create the Super-Costume. Clark discovers it in a canister and it LEAPS out at him and engulfs him. It's also full sized. By the way, Clark is "Super" the second he crawls out of the pod.

-CIA Special Agent DR. LEX LUTHOR. That's right... he's now a Government agent... working for an X-Files like division.

-Jimmy Olsen, in the script, is described as Brooklyn-born and somewhat effeminate . Perry White... HIS BOSS... makes a crack about him being GAY (later, Abrams told Harry Knowles that Olsen won't be a fagola... it's just a little joke)

-Luthor is revealed to be hunting down the alien who's ship crashed. There is actually TWO ships that crashed. Luthor seems more obsessed with only one.

-Superman first reveals himself in full suit and saves the President. This causes his "Pa" to drop dead, which causes Clark to swear to never put on the suit again.

-Then we are shown that Jor-El was actually ON earth and hand-picked the Kent's to look after his boy and gave them something that AIC writer "Moriarty" describes as "The metal thingies". Ma Kent forgets to give them to Clark... and they are apparently vital to his suit.

-Ty-Zor shows up... Supes puts the suit back on... they fight. Supes dies when he has to save Lois Lane (who is actually handled and portrayed fairly well in the script) from drowning in a water tank... said tank also has a big chunk of Kryptonite. Supes dies saving the bitch.

-Jor-El "senses" his son?s death so he kills himself in order to reach Kal in the "after-life" and convince him to return, because he's part of the "Prophecy" involving Krypton. Good F-ing Christ.

-Supes beats everyone (the fight sequences are said to be HUGE), then has to leave earth to fulfill his role in "The Prophecy". Just before he leaves, Lex Luthor shows up and announces that HE is a Kryptonian too and HE was in that first ship that crashed! They have another fight... Luthor (who was ALWAYS about his MIND, NOT his fighting abilities) breaks out his own Matrix mid-air moves

-Supes wins... Lex goes to prison... and the film ends with Kal El heading off to Kypton for part two.

That's the mess.

Needless to say, the AIC crowd screamed for the heads of JJ Abrams and pretty much everyone at Warner Bros... most notably Jon Peters... who might very well be the AntiChrist himself. He's the stud who "got behind" Joel Schumacher?s two film attempt to make the Batman franchise into the ultimate gay man's fantasy. And wanted gay robots in earlier Superman drafts.

Later, Abrams himself called Harry Knowles and explained his side of the story... that being the script that caused such an uproar was only the first draft. Harry, (a bigger Hollywood suck-up you will never find) basically wrote an essay saying that HE will give the film a shot.. and so should everyone else. Apparently, this caused a little civil war between Knowles and Moriaty that still may be raging right now. Knowles was so rattled he pulled the age-old Net standby and said he has to go on retreat and re-think if this net thing is worth it. (Used that line a million times m'self).

I'll stop hear with just a little comment. This will be a major trainwreck. Oh, it'll make about a BILLION dollars and shit... and kids will be LINING up to buy those Kryptonian action figures and all that but... man... you just don't mess with some things. You don't re-write the Bible... you don't re-design the American flag... you don't overhaul the recipe for your standard apple pie... you don't blow the existence of Santa to little kids... and you DON'T FUCK WITH SUPERMAN!!
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Old 14 Oct 2002, 10:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
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shakes head in disgust...oh well, if we are lucky we will see doomsday in a movie.....where can i read this poppy cock script..let me see if its on kazaa....
 
Old 14 Oct 2002, 11:49 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Red-Star, best alter to date. I almost blew soda out my nose when I saw that Av.
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Old 14 Oct 2002, 02:13 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I wonder if they'll give Superman rubber nipples too?
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Old 14 Oct 2002, 04:48 PM   #5 (permalink)
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At least the movie has a new type of storyline. But yeah, it looks like another remake gone horribly wrong to me.
 
Old 14 Oct 2002, 07:13 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I hadn't heard about this, but this is now the stupidest thing I've heard all week. Please shoot the person who made this script. The sad thing is that WB is so damn stupid they'll just push some crap out on the market like this just because they think super heroes are big now because of Spider-Man. Hate to tell you but if Spider-Man was a sucky terd like this script sounds like it would've bombed and not made 500 million bucks. Plus alot of the movie goerswho support these movies*gasp* actually read the comics these movies are based on, atleast when they were kids. They're not going to be happy if its a gross bastardization, just like people were not happy when that huge-budget Tristar Godzilla movie was a gross bastardization of thier fond memories. And nothing against gays, but super-hero movies are not supposed to be homo-erotic.
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Old 15 Oct 2002, 02:00 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I can't get into the superman movies.

I wish they would just leave remakes alone
 
 


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