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Nazis and Retards
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Old 24 Oct 2003, 12:29 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Nazis and Retards

Nazis and Retards: Coincidence? Naaaaah.
Some say there are no coincidences. If you look hard enough, you can find the amazing convergence of events that link Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy, Elvis and Jesus, or Dairy Queen and porno movies. Well, we just couldn't resist pushing the boundaries. Our psychic investigators at the Subtle Chunks Research Operation Terminally Undermining Mysteries (SCROTUM) have discovered a series of historical and behavioral convergences between believers in the Nazi party and people suffering mental retardation that shook our sanity to the core. Behold, if you dare... the first 66 of our findings:

Nazis shave their heads to demonstrate solidarity with the white race.
Retards have their heads shaved to prevent lice.
Nazis conquered Europe with large Panzer tanks.
Retards dominate the playground with large steel wheelchairs.
Ever notice how the Nazi salute and a retard's chest-thumping arm spasm are alike?
"Sieg Huuuuuhhhhh!"
Nazis want their own separate homeland, away from the lesser peoples.
Retards already have their own homeland: their own wing of the school and their own special buses.
Nazis pinned bright, imposing medals to their chests to commemorate their many military campaigns and victories.
Retards pin bugs, post-it notes, safety pins, and bits of yesterday's lunch to their chests because they don't know any better.
Nazis like beating up people.
Retards like beating off on people.
Nazis especially like beating up "mud people".
Retards especially like eating mud pies.
Nazis often have tattoos on their arms and chest to show their undying racial loyalty.
Retards often have marks on their arms, chest, and face from being allowed to play with the magic markers.
Nazis march in large, noisy, goose-stepping lines.
So do retards.
Nazis like to lock people into small rooms and gas them.
Retards like the smell of their own gas.
A Nazi likes to salute with his forearm extended and fingers pointed straight to show his unwavering passion and allegiance.
Retards like to stick their arm out to show you how proud they are of the booger they just pulled out of their nose... before eating it.
Nazis conducted terrible experiments on humans... like grafting a bull's testicles onto a man.
Retards try to replace the egg yolk with whipped cream... only to decide it's really macaroni.
Nazis gather socially to sing "Deutchland Uber Alles".
Retards gather socially to sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat."
Nazis burn books.
Retards try to set their farts on fire.
Many Nazis lead "double lives" and actually work and function within society.
Many retards rinse off the urinal cakes at Denny's.
Nazis shout "White Power!"
Retards shout "Pooped my pants!"
Nazis want to exterminate all those non-Aryan people.
Retards want to exterminate all those invisible people wielding sharp forks.
Nazis traditionally speak with a thick, Slavic accent.
Retards traditionally speak with a thick, slobbery accent.
Nazis want to lock up all the Jews, gypsies, and homosexuals.
Retards lock themselves under the bathroom sink.
Nazis think they should only breed with other Nazis.
Retards can only get some with other retards.
In 1936, Jesse Owens humiliated the German Nazis and Adolf Hitler in the Berlin Summer Olympics by outrunning the Aryan Germans and taking the gold.
In 1994, 451 retards humiliated themselves in the Special Olympics by running straight into a brick wall.
In WWII, the German Nazis almost defeated Great Britain by bombing them in air raids.
Every night, the retards of the house get together to drop slinkies and rolled-up socks down the stairs.
Nazis often walk with a swagger stick.
Retards often walk with crutches.
In the 1930's and 40's, thousands of people joined the Nazi party in Germany out of nationalistic pride.
In the 1960's and 70's, thousands of people declared themselves as retards to avoid going to Vietnam.
Nazis just love to sit down and discuss "Mein Kampf" for hours.
Retards just love to sit down and discuss "my crotch" for hours.
Nazis created mass graves of exterminated Jews in Eastern Europe.
Some retards keep mass collections of earwax under the matress.
Nazis often wore brown uniforms.
Retards often wear brown underwear.
Some Nazis believe that Hitler is really God and is going to come back.
Retards believe that if they keep knocking their own teeth out, the Tooth Fairy will keep coming back.
Nazis were constantly taught the importance of eugenics.
Retards are constantly reminded to be hygenic.
Nazism was born out of Germany in the 30's.
In the 90's David Hasselhoff is #1 in Germany. RETARDS!!!!
Nazis button the collars of their uniforms all the way to the top.
Retards button the collars of their flannel shirts all the way to the top.
Good Nazis get medals.
Good retards get happy-face stickers.
Really good Nazis get the Iron Cross.
Really good retards figure out how to get their eyes uncrossed.
Nazis tend to dress up in leather collars and harnesses after dark.
Retards tend to be restrained in leather collars and harnesses after dark.
In 1944, Roemmel ordered Nazi forces to pull out of Africa.
Jerry, a tard, just pulled a month-old M&M out of his ass.
Many Nazis were actually saddened by the news of Hitler's death.
Many retards were saddened by the news of Mr. Hooper's death.
Some Nazis maintained a pagan reverence for magical, flying valkyries.
Some retards maintain a pagan reverence for magical, flying Teletubbies.
Adolf Hitler and the Nazis produced the first Volkswagen.
Retards puke in Volkswagens... and about everything else that has four wheels.
Nazis going into battle wore distinctive steel helmets.
Retards going down stairs wear distinctive football helmets.
Adolf Hitler was also an artist.
Retards sculpt horses and pigs out of mashed potatoes.
Nazis like all things Teutonic.
Retards like to toot.
In 1945, Nazi Germany agreed to peace, ending WWII.
In 1998, Sammy (a tard) agrees to quit sticking his finger into the birdcage.
Nazis froze to death when attempting to invade Russia in the winter.
Retards tend to run around naked in the snow.
Nazis suffocated Jews in gas chambers.
Retards tend to suffocate themselves in abandoned refrigerators.
Some scholars argue that modern Nazis are outcasts of society who have not completely developed or matured socially.
Nazis, when armed with the tools of modern medicine, want to see all retards sterilized or exterminated.
Retards, when left alone with pointy things, tend to sterilize or exterminate themselves.
Nazis fastidiously polish their boots.
Retards fastidiously polish their tennis shoes.
Nazis are willing to take on any task to further their cause.
Retards do not need to take their cause any further.
Nazis enjoy simple German fare... Grandmuter's potato soup, hearty bratwurst, and strong ale.
Retards enjoy simple cafeteria fare... mashed green beans, meatloaf jello, and chocolate milk.
The Nazis helped produce the greatest war of this century.
Retards have helped produce some of the greatest wards of this century.
Nazis often carried Lugers at their belts.
Retards often have loogeys on their shirts.
Nazis are often recruited by a large, bald, gruff father figure.
Retards are often cared for by a large, bald, gruff orderly.
Nazis bang their heads to ear-splitting heavy metal music.
Retards bang their heads when Mr. Rogers sings, "Won't you be my neighbor".
Nazis drag hapless victims from behind their cars.
Retards drag used toilet paper from behind their shoes.
Nazis used the eagle in many of their insignia.
Retards love Big Bird t-shirts.
Nazis often left their homes in the care of big-boned disciplinarian housewives.
Retards are often left in the care of big-boned disciplinarian aides.
When threatened, Hitler hid in a bunker.
When threatened, retards hide in the closet.
Nazis were easily enraged by the adventures of Indiana Jones.
Retards are easily amused by the music of Spike Jones.
Nazis are epitomized by Pat Buchannan.
Retards are epitomized by Pat from Saturday Night Live.
Nazis believe the state should run every aspect of its citizens' lives.
Retards pretty much need the state to run every aspect of their lives.
In the Atlantic Ocean, Nazi U-boats terrorized the shipping lanes.
In the bathtub, retard floaties terrorize rubber ducky and other tubbie toys.
Nazis spit on Jews.
Retards spit up their juice.
Nazis wanted to get their fingers on Jewish gold.
Retards use their fingers when digging for gold.
Nazis forced Jews to wear badges indicating their religion. (a yellow Star of David)
Retards put badges on themselves indicating their deficiency. ("mY Nayme is SKipppY")
Nazis were good at following orders.
Retards are good at taking your order.
A Nazi's greatest ambition is to clean the human gene pool.
A retard's greatest ambition is to clean the swimming pool.
Cruel but funny!!!

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Old 24 Oct 2003, 01:16 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I hate nazis... they lack any real breadth of vision
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