ProWrestling Fans WWE TNA Forum

Go Back   ProWrestling Fans WWE TNA Forum > ProWrestlingFans > Archives

Archives PWFans Forums Archives - Where all the old threads go...

Matrix 2 Review (Spoilers..kinda)
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03 May 2003, 09:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
Posts: n/a
Default Matrix 2 Review (Spoilers..kinda)

This is the sequel to the MATRIX Movie that came out four years ago and after seeing it I can say I could have waited another four years it is that fucking good. This movie is a pillowcase with soda cans inside that beats the living mule-fuck out of you but you’re all like, “Bring it on honky tonk” because the beating feels like summer and Halloween and Cheetos at the same time. This movie is Mad Max’s shotgun-gun from ROAD WARRIOR, only it shoots ass-kicking only at jocks. This movie is tits!

I still don’t get the plot of the first one, and this one’s all talking about “choices” (over and over again to where you think you’re watching that fucking Chicktime network) and “prophecies” and especially words like “anomaly” and “exile” (and who the fuck even knows what those words mean?) and there’s this long speech at the end that I also didn’t get. Also, you find out all this deep stuff, like about The Cookie Lady from the first movie and they introduce all these other characters like a Key Guy and a Frenchie Dude and another Frenchie but guess what it’s okay ‘cuz the other Frenchie’s a chick and she’s got cleavage you could hide a rump roast in and also this ex-girlfriend of Murphus and there’s this new guy on the ship flying it around, I think he’s from OZ (don’t worry, no butt rape). And Neo and Memento Babe are all PDA every second, and they also “do it” and one time I thought I saw Memento Babe’s nip but it was one of those metal ring things that everyone’s got on ‘em so no jacking off when the DVD comes out.

So that’s the plot but here’s the thing: you could wear headphones and listen to Dio during this whole movie and you wouldn’t miss anything, there’s so much ass-kicking going on. That Smith Dude is back, only now he can make more Smith Dudes and do they each know how to kick ass? Like a Heroclix collector knows how to not get pussy. Plus he’s got this other ability that’s really fucking scary and I think it might have something to do with the next movie.

ASS-KICKING #1: Neo fights those Blues Brothers-looking dudes and it’s pretty fucking cool. But it’s just a teaser, like when they have pictures of the food at Jack in the Box, and the tacos look all good in the picture, but then you get some and they look like they got pooped out of a pig. But you eat ‘em because there’s fries coming. In this movie there’s ALWAYS fries coming. 6.

HEADS UP: There’s a lot of boring stuff between Ass-Kicking 1 and 2. There’s a sermon by the dude who was in OMEGA MAN, and this underground dance thing that looks like if Pottery Barn had a rave on the Planet of the Gay Apes – but the rave thing is where Neo and Memento Babe “do it”. I am bringing my headphones when I see this again on the 15th.

ASS-KICKING #2: Neo and a Kung Fu Phooey go at it in a picnic restaurant. They kick over a big thing of chopsticks, which is kind of cool, and Kung Fu Phooey wears these cool little sunglasses, but that’s it. 5. And then Neo and Cookie Lady talk. Then chiggity-check your rectum ‘cuz here comes:

ASS-KICKING #2: This fight on a playground where like a hundred Smith Dudes are whomping on Neo like a fat girl eating Fiddle Faddle – it’s that intense. Holy shit. The thing goes on for like five minutes and just when you’re thinking, “Fuck you Star Wars George” it goes on for another five minutes and then Neo flies away like that Greatest American Hero dude. 10.

ASS-KICKING #3: Neo, Murphus and Memento Babe go to a French restaurant in the Matrix and there’s this French dick and you’re thinking, “Fuck you for not supporting us against Egypt”, and then Neo goes whomp-ass happy on the dude’s cohorts while Murphus and Trinity free this Key Dude and fight these Edgar Winter guys with dreadlocks who can turn into ghosts. 8.

ASS-KICKING #4 – 28: That’s right, this next scene feels like 24 ass-kickings. Seriously, the rest of the summer is going to suck busboy cock for ketchup packets compared to this scene.

Murphus and Memento Babe have to escape on a huge freeway (which is a no-no in the Matrix; “It’s suicide!” says Memento Babe, or something like that I can’t remember for sure) while the Ghost Guys chase them, plus the Smiths, who keep taking over the drivers on the freeway and they’re shooting and everything’s blowing up for miles and

Memento Babe has to go against the traffic on a fucking motorcycle and they keep trying to smash her and Murphus takes out the Ghost Guys in this totally cool way and the fucking samurai sword and the head-on crash and

the fucking Blues Brothers guys and razors and swordfight on top of a truck and Memento Babe flying through the air and out of nowhere Neo and I am out!!of!!cum!! 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10

And there’s a whole other ass-kicking after this, which I can barely remember because, seriously, that fucking chase scene. It’s now #2 on my list of all-time chases, ahead of ARK RAIDERS, where Blade Runner gets dragged behind the Nazi truck (#5), and then DYING IN LOS ANGELES, where CSI is driving the car against the traffic (#4) and then TAXI RONIN, where Taxi Driver guy goes the wrong way down that French tunnel, and also because they keep running over French people (#3), and now MATRIX, right behind BANDIT AND THE FAT GAY GUY 2, where all the police cars and all the trucks play chicken out in the desert (#1).

Neo needs to fight Blade and that fat bald guy from STIR CRAZY.

Then Murphus and Neo and Memento Babe try to raid some sort of central something, like the CPU in TRON, something like that. Smith Dude re-appears, Neo has a talk with a new character, someone dies and someone’s reborn. Then something gets destroyed (good), something else gets destroyed (bad), and Neo discovers a new power. Then something BIG gets destroyed (really really bad), and someone lives who shouldn’t.

MY HINT: Stay through the credits and you get to see a trailer for MATRIX: YOU WILL SHIT, the third movie.

That’s it. Best movie of the year. I still want to see HULK-MAN and the werewolf thing and I think there’s something where you get to see a hot Asian’s boobs, but they’re not going to get close to this one. Here’s my blurb if they’re putting blurbs in ads:

“MATRIX: KINGDOM OF ASS-KICKING is like if all of Anthrax’s albums formed into a hot chick who had to fuck you ten times a day or she gets pee-cancer.”
Old 03 May 2003, 09:53 PM   #2 (permalink)
Posts: n/a

I really wanna see this....

btw Entertainments 10000th post.....yeah me
Old 03 May 2003, 10:11 PM   #3 (permalink)
Posts: n/a

awww man....thats messed up
Old 03 May 2003, 10:28 PM   #4 (permalink)
Posts: n/a

Talking to yourself Kurt?
Old 09 May 2003, 11:43 PM   #5 (permalink)
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 621
Rep Power: 0
I am the Icon can only hope to improveI am the Icon can only hope to improveI am the Icon can only hope to improveI am the Icon can only hope to improve

Bump for all you matrix fans
I am the Icon is offline  
Old 10 May 2003, 08:08 AM   #6 (permalink)
Let It Roll
Rebel's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Ontario
Posts: 19,681
Rep Power: 2310
Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.

Well I already got my tickets to go see this Thursday night.
Rebel is offline  
Old 11 May 2003, 06:44 AM   #7 (permalink)
punished by Exo indefinitely for trying to stalk and for being a dork
Fallen Angel's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Sarah's Soul
Posts: 879
Rep Power: 18
Fallen Angel is on a distinguished road
Send a message via AIM to Fallen Angel Send a message via Yahoo to Fallen Angel

Already there, a friend of mine works at the local theatre... she promised me along with a few others, a first look before the masses hit the aisles...

Been a fan since the blue prints, a working showcase that slowly evolved into the Matrix Franchise, the storyline concept blew me away, even when it was just a mere anime proto, I knew if handled right... it would reach great magnitudes, damn what an understatement.

From various trailers I've watched, and related reports I've read months ago, it's looking to be of epic proportion, personally cannot freakin' wait.
~"People may laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh back at them because they're all the same"~
~"The earth is full of kings and queens. They'll blind your eyes and steal your dreams. Kurt Cobain didn't make it... and left behind a generation of tortured souls. heed this warning."~
<select name=which style="font-family: tahoma; font-size: 9pt; background-color: black; font-weight: ; color: darkblue">
<option>Nirvana - Heart-Shaped Box</option>
<option>She eyes me like a pisces when I am weak</option>
<option>I've been locked inside your Heart Shaped box for a week</option>
<option>I was drawn into your magnet tar pit trap</option>
<option>I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn back</option>
<option>I've got a new complaint</option>
<option>Forever in debt to your priceless advice</option>
<option>I've got a new complaint</option>
<option>Forever in debt to your priceless advice</option>
<option>I've got a new complaint</option>
<option>Forever in debt to your priceless advice</option>
<option>Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet</option>
<option>Cut myself angel's hair and baby's breath</option>
<option>Broken hymen of your highness I'm left black</option>
<option>Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back -</option>


<center>I am now complete

Fallen Angel is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
So what kinda car should I get? STICK Off-Topic 11 30 Jan 2008 10:04 PM
Matrix Revolutions..Disscussion *spoilers* The Wanderer Archives 25 09 Nov 2003 02:55 PM
The Matrix 2 Reloaded ****POSSIBLE SPOILERS*** error402 Archives 82 26 May 2003 11:23 AM
Movie Review: The Matrix Reloaded STICK Archives 3 24 May 2003 06:34 PM
im kinda new. Wasted Mod Archives 4 01 Feb 2003 01:04 PM

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:00 AM.

Powered by Yahoo Answers

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 © 2011, Crawlability, Inc.