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17 Ways Women Fail In Bed
 
 
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Old 18 Apr 2003, 10:57 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default 17 Ways Women Fail In Bed

1. MILKING IT
When stroking a guyís dick donít grab it like a bus rail and start
jerking it like you were milking a cow. Donít use the love sword as if itís a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The male organ is a thing of wonder and beauty, and should be awed, worshipped and held tenderly at all times. The sensitive part is at the top (where your face should be), not two-thirds of the way down.

2. ROBOTS
When sucking a guyís dick donít just get on the end of the thing and jam your head back and forward. Itís a beautiful instrument and it should be caressed, inspected, kissed and licked from every possible angle.

3. SILENT FRIGHT
If youíve cum and canít be coerced to scream to show your
appreciation, at least make some sort of sign to inform the guy that heís done his duty and can blow his biscuits whenever he wants to.

4. NO LAUGHING MATTER
Donít laugh if your creative male lover gets carried away and says
things like ďRide my hard cock you filthy cock-sucking slutĒ or ďI want to rinse your mouth with my fresh, white love potion.Ē Laughter at any aspect of the male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful youíve got a guy who can speak whole sentences.

5. CLOSING UP
If a man is willing to take the trouble to cum on your face, donít
close your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic moment of joyful union and love with him. Semen is not likely to cause permanent blindness in most cases-but this is a risk you should be prepared to take for his happiness.

6. POOR PRESENTATION
Presentation is all-important. Donít wait to be asked to get it
doggy-style. Roll over and present it to him. You know you love it.

7. HANGING AROUND
When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle, he does not want to touch you. You should leave the bed and leave him in peace. If you are a one-night stand you should leave the premises without thieving anything or asking for a phone number. His work is done

8. BEING SHY
Always offer the Hershey Highway. You know you love it. If you donít like it that much, still offer it as you can quite easily play with yourself as he rams away.

9. BEING A DRIP
You always have tissues in your bag, use them to clean his sheets and any ball bag drippage if you have misbehaved and not swallowed everything.

10. CLOCK-WATCHING
Never, ever, ever, ever even think of saying; ďAre you going to cum soonĒ. If you were doing a blowie, youíd have to take your mouth off to utter that question. If youíre giving a hand-job you should have gone to the gym to work your biceps. If heís shagging you and takes more than 10 minutes you should be grateful. This is not a time trial but a blissful act of unselfishness between two sexually aware and gifted human beings.

11. FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS
Donít ask him if youíre the best lover heís ever had, Most men have had many sexual partners that it is unlikely that you are. Please donít ask a man to lie about such an important thing.

12. PLAYING DEAD
Donít just lie there, do something. Good sex is not a spectator sport it helps if both parties move around a bit. I know you expect the men to do the hard and skillful work. We donít mind that and weíre blessed with the equipment and know-how to do it, but at least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation.

13. BEING POSSESSIVE
If you are lucky to have an imaginative lover who can satisfy two women at one time donít sneer at or reject his exciting suggestion that one of your friends joins you to make up a threesome. If heís a real man heís probably shagging her anyway. Plus you might learn something from her to keep your man really happy.

14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON
Donít shave all your pubic hair off. It makes your pussy look like a
piece of poultry past itís sell-by date. At best, it looks like a snatch of a ten-year-old. If you want to trim, go for a nice sexy racing stripe in the manner favored by the Playboy models that your man would rather be shagging.

15. SPITTING IT OUT
When a man has gone to so much trouble to ejaculate and get his aim right into your mouth, it is rude to spit it out without savoring the taste and gluey texture. You should play with semen like a block of Hubba Bubba, blowing bubbles, chewing and throwing from side to side. A line like ďI love it when you cum in my mouthĒ makes for a happy finale to fun and games.

16. INGRATITUDE
Never forget to thank your man for all the effort and energy he has expended on making love to you-especially if a) sex has lasted more than five minutes and/or b) you managed to achieve an orgasm. A manís role in sex is far more demanding than that of a womanís so itís always nice when oneís prowess is appreciated.

17. SEEKING FAVOURS
Never contemplate taking advantage of your manís warm after-sex glow to seek favors or make requests. As he drops off into well-deserved slumber, resist the urge to ask ďDo you think I should buy that dress/skirt/sofa/Mercedes/country cottageĒ there is a name for the practice of mixing sex with material gain...Prostitution.


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LMFAO. That's some funny shit. The ones that made me laugh the most were #5, #7, #9, and #15. Which ones do you like the most?
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Old 18 Apr 2003, 11:23 AM   #2 (permalink)
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ďDo you think I should buy that dress/skirt/sofa/Mercedes/country cottageĒ that is a hilarious line..lmao
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Old 18 Apr 2003, 11:42 AM   #3 (permalink)
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lmao, that's some funny shit man
 
 


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