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PWF is PORNO 3: FINAL PENETRATION
 
 
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Old 06 Mar 2003, 01:16 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default PWF is PORNO 3: FINAL PENETRATION

ERNEST GETS HEAD

by Mr. Marbles

STARRING JOHNNY BLITZ AS ERNEST


(It was a dissapointing life for good ol' Ernest. He's been in prison, he's been to camp, he's been scared stupid and he's even had his own TV show for a while. But times have gotten rough. Ernest got tired of being a 45 year old virgin. It was time to do something about it)

BLITZ: Hey Verne!! There's a sweet deal on fine escort bitchez down at The Boze's flophouse!! We should pay a visit, knowwhatImean?

Verne (Zack): Yes Ernest.

BLITZ: I mean, these bitchez might actually do whatever I pay them for!! I could pay them to do anything!! That's what they're supposed to do, right?

Zack: Yes Ernest.


(So Blitz and Zack headed down to the local Bitchez R Us)


BLITZ: WOW Verne!!! Look at this!!! The options, Verne, the options!!! We get our pick of a 16 year old Maryland gold-digging chick, a dirty lil' American Idol fan, an Aussie chick, or a Central American Country-music slut!!!!! What should I go for?

Zack: Whatever toots your horn.

BLITZ: YEAH, IF THEY GO IN FOR THAT KINDA THING!!!!! KNOWWHATIMEAN? (Blitz jizzes himself. Zack stares with a disgusted look on his face)

(Blitz and Zack pay The Boze, and the other two respective pimps, WinnipegJuggalo and DISSability, for the services of their two finest hos, Dev's Heart and Sodagirl)


Blitz: WOW!!!! Real women!!! Imagine what we could do now!! We won't ever have to do another piece of laundry!!!! We got new older sisters to do it for us, knowwhatImean?

Zack: Yes Ernest. (Flips off Blitz behind his back and strokes handgun silently)

(Blitz and Zack take the two bitchez into a Taxi and into a Motel 6. Blitz and Zack start thinking of ideas)

BLITZ: Hey Verne!!! We got two half-naked women standing in our room, and they're willing to do anything we pay them to do!!!!!! That's what it said, right? Wow!! We could....we could....get them to watch TV with us!! Maybe some old re-runs of Bewitched? Huh Verne? Or maybe we could get them to the kitchen to fetch us some sandwiches!!!! The possibilities are endless, Verne!!!!


Zack: Goddammit Ernest. Don't you know anything? I'm pretty sure you're supposed to have sex with them.

BLITZ: (Looks startled and confused) Wow Verne.............sex...as in what..... you mean make babies?

Zack: Hardly anyone does it for the purposes of breeding anymore. Do I have to explain everything? You pay them 500 bucks and they shove your ***** down their throat as far as they can until you spray up and pay up.

BLITZ: Well gee, that sounds painful Verne. I'm not sure I want to go in for that. I'm a little worried, actually. RIMSHOT!! RIMSHOT!!!


(The ladies attempt to put Blitz's legs behind his head and lick his ass)

BLITZ: Hey!!! Hey!!! What are you two doing!!! I'm just calling for my dog Rimshot!!!

(The two ladies stop and walk around the room bored. Blitz starts petting his dog)

Zack: Alright Ernest. If you're not gonna do anything, then I will.

(Zack takes off his pants. Soda and DH can barely restrain from laughing, but they're too relieved to finally be doing something to care. Soda bgins sucking his cock and Dev's Heart begins eating Soda's ass.)

BLITZ: Wow. This stuff is seriously messed up, knowwhatImean?

(Suddenly there's two giant knocks on the door. The door swings open and in walks THE TRUTH)

TRUTH: What the fuck is going on in here, you pussy-ass bitches?

BLITZ: AHH!! Who are you? Barging in without authorized permission is......

TRUTH: SHUT THE FUCK UP. You fucking faggots are without "authorized permission" to enter these pussies. Go get some fucking pubes first. You see that one bitch on her knees? She happens to be one of my wives, mother fuckers. Did I give you permission to be fucking that bitch, you funny-looking mother fucker?

(Zack stands up, wet and embarrassed. TRUTH looks at him)

TRUTH: And who the fuck are you? Lemme guess, you were in cold water or some kind of fucking bullshit like that, right? You been enjoying the Mountain Dew? Mother fucker, you and your grubworm lookin-dick are fired.

(TRUTH whips out Glock 40 and puts six bullets in Zack)

TRUTH: Mother fuckin' homo had it coming anyway. Found his fucking car loaded with Rascall Flatts and Dokken CD's for christ's sake.

(TRUTH picks up Dev's Heart by the hair)

TRUTH: GET YOUR FUCKIN' ASS IN THE CAR, BIZITCH!

(Dev's Heart gets dressed and leaves. TRUTH stares at Blitz and Sodagirl)

TRUTH: And these two mother fuckers. I want each of you to give me one good reason why I shouldn't shoot your asses dead right now. You, gold-digging ass whore. You go first.

Sodagirl: Please don't!! I can do a really neat trick!!! If you let me live, you can see it!!

TRUTH: Better be good, ho.

(Soda begins dancing around to "Born To Fly" by Sara Evans. She takes off her panties, strips down naked to her sexy ass, and then begins reaching up her anus. She reaches and reaches..........and she ****** up her ***** until she pulls out the ****** of the ******** and ***** out a white furry Maltese dog, soaking wet and very dirty)

TRUTH: Holy shit, that was fucking cool. Now get your ass on outta here.

(Soda leaves, happy to be alive. She was so excited, she forget to take her dog with her.......)

BLITZ: Alright TRUTH. Listen. I'm very sorry about everything. I'm glad you killed Verne. He was a bastard anyway. And I really didn't want anything to do with your women, I SWEAR. Just please, spare my life and leave me all alone now. Please.


TRUTH: (Contemplating...........) Alright. I'll take your word for it. Don't let it happen again, alright bitch?

BLITZ: I promise, I WON'T.

(TRUTH leaves the Hotel, and gets in his lowrider and drives away)

BLITZ: Finally..............at last I can be alone with my true loves.....

(BLITZ proceeds to PULL HIS OWN FACE OFF!!!!!!!!! What a horrifying sight!!!!! But wait........it's not Blitz at all........it's.....it's........)


Camini: Ya know, I promised myself I'd get some pussy tonight.............and even though I didn't REALLY get any pussy, beggars can't be choosers, right? Come 'ere little puppies. I got a bone for you to bury.

(Taik and Rimshot whimper in fear............)



MORE TO COME........
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Marbles is what all you wannabees want to be. he is who you think about when you touch yoursleves at night. He is the person you think about everyone someone says, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" Hes the person your girlfriend thinks about when youre inside her, and hes the one your parents really wanted. His dick is the one your dick looks up to. He is the marbleous one. The one that YOU ALL WANT TO BE
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Old 06 Mar 2003, 01:20 AM   #2 (permalink)
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LMFAO...You still got it...
 
Old 06 Mar 2003, 01:21 AM   #3 (permalink)
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LMAO. great story Marbles. I like the way you ended it with Camini and the dogs.
 
Old 06 Mar 2003, 02:31 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
and she ****** up her ***** until she pulls out the ****** of the ******** and *****
Why are there all those asterisks? That kinda threw me off a little if it was supposed to be real words, or something for some kind of effect that is unknown to me....


Rest of it FUCKING hilarious.

I can't wait for the next part man.
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Old 06 Mar 2003, 05:13 AM   #5 (permalink)
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HOLY SHIT....you almost got me the sack....

I couldnt stop rotflmao my boss thought I was on drugs...



MORE........MORE


before you finish the final PWF is porno....could you include me in one
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Old 06 Mar 2003, 07:34 AM   #6 (permalink)
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QUEER AS FOLK..............THE PWF SERIES




( Sweet Tooth was sad. He was the saddest homosexual anywhere. Desperate, he decided to begin gay-bar clubbing. His first gay club was in a place called "The Piston", a run down fruit bar in a ghost town in the middle of Arizona. Sweet Tooth enters the club and approaches the bartender)


Sweet Tooth: Listen, I'm new to this whole gay bar thing. I also don't know much about gay entertainment. What kind of shows do they got here?

Bartender "Loo": Well, we're gonna have a few Village People imitators for a while. Then we're all gonna get drunk and re-enact our favorite scene from the vagina monologues. And then some local Comedian is gonna get on stage. I hear he's nothing too spectacular, but he works cheap.

Sweet Tooth: *Sigh*. I suppose I'll stick around for that.

(Sweet Tooth watched as the bands performed YMCA over and over again countlessly. He got drunk and reluctantly re-enacted his Vagina Monologues scene. Then came the comedian)

Bartender "Loo": THANK YOU EVERYBODY FOR STAYING AWAKE!!!! I mean that too. Anybody here that falls asleep will most likely be raped. I can't have that. The court won't.....


(All the patrons immediately begin put their heads down and try to fall asleep)

Loo: WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!!! Now, let's all hear it for STEEEEEEEEEEEVE COSTA!!!!!!!!!!!!

(BOSTON comes out on stage greeted by mild cheers and a few cat calls)

BOSTON: Thank you everybody!! You know, don't you wonder why when you go into a bar, and they tell you that the drink is on the house? Well, if it's on the house, WHY DON'T YOU GO UP THERE AND GET IT?

(BA-DUM DUM!!)

(Mild giggles. Loud boo from a rude, bald overweight audience member in the middle of the room)

KAM: YOU SUCK COSTA!!!!!!!!

BOSTON: Why don't you shut the hell up, FATASS!!!!!

(BOSTON continues....)

BOSTON: So get this.......I took an M&M to the pawn shop the other day. I told the guy, "please give me a million dollars." The clerk said "why?" I said, "well, because I have this extremely rare M&M right here." The clerk said "no you don't!! It's just a normal M&M!!" I said "no it's not!! Look!! It's got a W on it!!"

(BA-DUM DUM!!)

KAM: (Pretending to talk rather loudly on his cellphone...) WHAT? YOU WANNA SPEAK TO THE UNFUNNY COMIC? OKAY, JUST A SECOND. COSTA!!!!! IT'S FOR YOU!!!!!

BOSTON: You asshole!!! Shut the fuck up and go molest more kids, fatboy!!!!

KAM: Now waitaminute, you unfunny comic. Is that any way to treat your audience members? BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

(The rest of the audience begins booing alongside KAM. Then they start throwing tomatoes. BOSTON leaves the stage, heartbroken and rejected.)

Sweet Tooth: (Silently to himself) Geez.......the poor kid didn't deserve that. Maybe I should go talk to him.......

(Sweet Tooth walks backstage to try and cheer up a teary-eyed BOSTON)

Sweet Tooth: Hey, I saw how that fat guy treated you. It really wasn't fair.

BOSTON: Thanks. I appreciate it.

Sweet Tooth: No really....I mean it...........is there anything I can do for you?

BOSTON: No........I don't think so.

ST: Awwww...c'mon. I'm willing to do anything if it can get you to stop crying.

BOSTON:.......Anything?

ST: Yes. Anything.

BOSTON: Alright.......close and lock the door.

(Sweet Tooth locks the door. BOSTON begins a story.....)

BOSTON: Listen......the truth is....I wasn't crying because I was booed off stage. I've been performing for years. I've gotten used to getting booed off stage. I'm immune to it now. I don't care anymore.

Sweet Tooth: (Listening) Uh huh..........

BOSTON: But when they started chucking tomatoes at me.........it reminded me of my old boyfriend. He used to rub tomatos on my sack, before we engaged in anal sex......I just miss it.

Sweet Tooth: What happened to him?

BOSTON: Went on to become a nurse or a rapper or something. I wish I could feel the refreshing sensation of tomatos on my sack one last time. Wish I could find someone with whom to share my ketchup of love.

Sweet Tooth: Welll.......uh..........ah, what the hell. I'll be your huckleberry.

(So Sweet Tooth and BOSTON locked the door with a large box of fresh produce. For on this night, BOSTON finally heard the laughs he longed for. However, the laughs occurred not whenever he told a joke.........but when Sweet Tooth would giggle whenever a red vegetable was sliding up his rectal cavity.)



THE END (Or is it?)










Yeah it is.
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Marbles is what all you wannabees want to be. he is who you think about when you touch yoursleves at night. He is the person you think about everyone someone says, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" Hes the person your girlfriend thinks about when youre inside her, and hes the one your parents really wanted. His dick is the one your dick looks up to. He is the marbleous one. The one that YOU ALL WANT TO BE
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Old 06 Mar 2003, 08:30 AM   #7 (permalink)
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ROTFFLMFAO.257947287577584546/2 X 50



FUNNY MOTHERFUCKER......ROTFFLMFAO
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Old 06 Mar 2003, 09:18 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I must say it is a good work Marbles

I'm gonna work on my erotic writting again. Stay tuned kids I'm gonna post my erotic writting for the first time on PWF.
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Old 06 Mar 2003, 10:36 AM   #9 (permalink)
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holy shit marbles, that was fuckin hilarious. good work man.
 
Old 06 Mar 2003, 03:21 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: PWF is PORNO 3: FINAL PENETRATION

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Originally posted by Mr. Marbles

We get our pick of a 16 year old Maryland gold-digging chick
IM NOT A GOLD DIGGER!
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Old 06 Mar 2003, 04:36 PM   #11 (permalink)
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IM NOT A GOLD DIGGER!

Or are you?...
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Old 06 Mar 2003, 05:51 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Funny stuff......Marbles still has it.....
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Old 06 Mar 2003, 06:10 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Funny ass shit Marbles

Can you add me in the next one if you do it?
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Old 13 Mar 2003, 02:36 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Kool Aid Man , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Kool Aid Man , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Kool Aid Man , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Kool Aid Man , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Kool Aid Man , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Kool Aid Man , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Kool Aid Man , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Kool Aid Man , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Kool Aid Man , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Kool Aid Man , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Kool Aid Man , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.
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LOL @ WHAT? YOU WANNA SPEAK TO THE UNFUNNY COMIC? OKAY, JUST A SECOND. COSTA!!!!! IT'S FOR YOU!!!!!
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