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Old 15 Jan 2003, 07:05 PM   #1 (permalink)
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err Joke

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his ***** into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.


One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashamed. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my ***** into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."
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Old 15 Jan 2003, 07:07 PM   #2 (permalink)
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hehe, pretty good.
 
Old 15 Jan 2003, 07:07 PM   #3 (permalink)
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LMAO!!!!!!!!
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Old 15 Jan 2003, 07:15 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.Rebel should cut his own throat and bleed to death.
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LOL. That was pretty good.
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Old 17 Jan 2003, 12:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Apocalypse is totally BABLAM-ableApocalypse is totally BABLAM-ableApocalypse is totally BABLAM-ableApocalypse is totally BABLAM-ableApocalypse is totally BABLAM-ableApocalypse is totally BABLAM-ableApocalypse is totally BABLAM-ableApocalypse is totally BABLAM-ableApocalypse is totally BABLAM-ableApocalypse is totally BABLAM-ableApocalypse is totally BABLAM-able
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LOL! Nice
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Old 17 Jan 2003, 12:06 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.
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I heard that one before
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Old 17 Jan 2003, 12:11 PM   #7 (permalink)
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lol good one Iggy. here's one I got:

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a
handsaw so he sees another man on the 1st floor.

He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language. The man on the 3rd floor does sign language.

He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.

The man on the 1st floor knods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says," What the fuck is wrong with you dumbass? I said I need handsaw!!"

The other guy says," I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm
coming."
 
Old 17 Jan 2003, 12:13 PM   #8 (permalink)
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LOL!!
 
Old 17 Jan 2003, 12:14 PM   #9 (permalink)
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LOL!
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Old 17 Jan 2003, 12:19 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.
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Quote:
Originally posted by RJ Knuckles
lol good one Iggy. here's one I got:

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a
handsaw so he sees another man on the 1st floor.

He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language. The man on the 3rd floor does sign language.

He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.

The man on the 1st floor knods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says," What the fuck is wrong with you dumbass? I said I need handsaw!!"

The other guy says," I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm
coming."
LMFAO
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Old 17 Jan 2003, 12:21 PM   #11 (permalink)
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one more(I could go all day with these)

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's. One of the dogs was hanging its head and sighing.

The second dog turned to him and asked, 'What are you in here for, buddy?'

The dog looked depressed.
'I'm in big trouble,' he said. 'My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he took me for a ride and I was so excited, I peed on the nice leather seat. Now he's having me put to sleep.'

'I know how you feel,' said the second dog. 'My owners have a beautiful, expensive oriental rug. The other day they were late getting home from work and I just couldn't help myself. I shit all over their nice carpet and ruined it. They're having me put to sleep too.'

Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room.

'So what are you here for?' they asked.

'Well', said the third dog, 'my owner likes to do her housework in the nude. The other day, she was vacuuming and she knelt down to vacuum under the sofa and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and had the ride of my life.'

The other dogs nodded in sympathy.
'So she's having you put to sleep too, huh?'

'No,' said the dog, 'I'm having my nails clipped.
 
Old 17 Jan 2003, 12:23 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.Toof , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.
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Quote:
Originally posted by RJ Knuckles
one more(I could go all day with these)

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's. One of the dogs was hanging its head and sighing.

The second dog turned to him and asked, 'What are you in here for, buddy?'

The dog looked depressed.
'I'm in big trouble,' he said. 'My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he took me for a ride and I was so excited, I peed on the nice leather seat. Now he's having me put to sleep.'

'I know how you feel,' said the second dog. 'My owners have a beautiful, expensive oriental rug. The other day they were late getting home from work and I just couldn't help myself. I shit all over their nice carpet and ruined it. They're having me put to sleep too.'

Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room.

'So what are you here for?' they asked.

'Well', said the third dog, 'my owner likes to do her housework in the nude. The other day, she was vacuuming and she knelt down to vacuum under the sofa and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and had the ride of my life.'

The other dogs nodded in sympathy.
'So she's having you put to sleep too, huh?'

'No,' said the dog, 'I'm having my nails clipped.
LOL Gross dude
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Old 17 Jan 2003, 12:28 PM   #13 (permalink)
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yeah that one is a little gross. but trust me there are worse ones than that for example:

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal."



"No, no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."
 
Old 17 Jan 2003, 12:31 PM   #14 (permalink)
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EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!
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Old 17 Jan 2003, 12:32 PM   #15 (permalink)
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The Wanderer , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.The Wanderer , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.The Wanderer , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.The Wanderer , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.The Wanderer , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.The Wanderer , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.The Wanderer , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.The Wanderer , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.The Wanderer , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.The Wanderer , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.The Wanderer , if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.
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*groan*

That last one could have been better.....oh well,...
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